Correção de "When I was a child..."

Avatar do usuário Diego Pikulski 2100 2 5 42
Boa tarde pessoal, decidi finalmente me arriscar em criar um texto.
Tentei criar um texto descontraido sobre um fato que ocorreu comigo mesmo :lol:
Quem puder me ajudar na correção (aposto que terão muitas, por isso peço paciência) eu irei agradecer.

Obs1: usei "lead cover" para "tampa de chumbo", não encontrei uma referência boa, por isso utilizei essa palavra.
Obs2: o texto ficou meio rápido no final para não ficar extenso.

When I was a child...

Everyone knows about the feeling of despair.
In any moment of our life we can head down in a trouble.
All we have to do is sit and wait, sometimes we don’t need to do anything and the thing come to speak with us.
No, I am not talking about “The Thing” of fantastic four, I am talking about the thing in anything (don’t look at me with this face, I need to clarify to you….what?...you don’t thought that? Well…in any case…let me continue please).
I will explain better talking about one situation that occurred with me.
When I was a child… (Yeah I know what is be a child ok? Just listen…) I was swimming in the pool (don’t be a sarcastic… and If I was swimming in the beach or a river or any other place?) without a worry in my little life, just thinking about what I want to do after that and without any advice appeared from anywhere another thing in my head to me think about...one lead cover hit me and I did the right thing in this situation, I cried and because this I swallowed a lot of water in the same time (If I am telling you the story is because I didn’t died…Why I listen you everytime? Ok, it’s enough I don’t want to continue…Oh, now you want I forget you...ok, ok, I don’t like you crying like a baby I will continue...Don’t get angry I am just kidding with you).
One crazy girl threw that lead cover on me because she have the devil on her body (no…it’s not real it’s just my thinking about her…yeah, I don’t like her).
Well, I left the pool and ran to my grandmother crying much and she threw cold water in my head and I saw a lot of blood in that water. But she said to me “Don’t worry son is just a little injury” and I never forgot this day.

Por favor me corrijam.
Obrigado.

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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
When I was a child.

Everyone knows about the feeling of despair.
At any given moment of our lives we can head down in a trouble/troubles.
(If ''we" can head down in trouble, it´s "our" lives. To maintain the text as a unit, with agreement between its parts).


Sometimes all we have to do is to sit and wait, we don’t need to do anything and the least expected (OR the thing in life that we don´t ever expect) happens to us.


No, I am not talking about “The Thing” of The Fantastic Four, I am talking about the more mundane/ordinary bad thing that can happen all the time, to virtually anyone, in any area one´s life.
Don´t look at me like this, just in case you don´t made head or tail of the above said, problably you are asking himself if I can/could clarify it further. Or perhaps you already made an educated guess, didn´t you?
In any case, let me go on. I am about to explain it better by giving you, as an example, a situation that occurred with me.
When I was a child… (Yeah I know what is be a child ok? Just listen/read…) I was swimming in the pool (don’t be a sarcastic… "and If you were swimming in the beach or a river or any other place? would be any different?").
So, I was swimming, enjoying myself and completely carefree, just thinking about what I wanted to do afterwards. All of sudden, without any notice something appeared from nowhere...it was a stainless steel pot lid that hit me and I did the right thing in that situation, I cried...and swallowed a lot of water at the same time (If I am telling you the story it´s because I didn’t die…Why I have to listen your all the time? Ok, it’s enough, I don’t want to continue…Oh, now you want I tell you more, and forget your interruption?...no problem. I don’t like you crying like a little baby, so I will continue...Don’t get angrya at me, I am just kidding you).
One crazy girl threw that lid at me because she was a real (little) annoying brat, a little devil. No…I don´t mean "devil" in a literal way. It’s just my thinking about her…yeah, a figure of speech, meaning I don’t like her.
Well, I left the pool and ran towards my grandmother crying as much as I could (OR crying out in pain etc), she threw cold water over my head and I saw that a lot of blood had oozed/trickled in that water. But she said to me “Don’t worry son is just a little injury” and I never forgot this day.



http://www.spanishdict.com/answers/2522 ... n-our-life
See the "devil" definition, for brats. It notices "You usually use this word when you are not really angry with the person."


===============
You guys have superb writing skills. This was just my "twopence worth", it (the piece of text) had just a few things to refine. Anyway, if it´s of some comfort, it might have something more to improve, it always have. :lol:



See you again. Enjoy the upcoming holidays, and have a nice weekend.
Ah, and point out whatever flaws in my text itself. As a proofreader/learner I might have some shortcomings as well (I am aware of it) since I am just a learner as you are. :lol:
Hugs. Take care.
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Aprenda dicas sobre os tempos verbais em inglês! Baixe agora o seu Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um ótimo resumo para revisar todos os conceitos.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Diego
Estas são as minhas sugestões de correção para a sua redação. Parabéns pela estória. Qualquer dúvida é só perguntar. Acho que melhores sugestões aparecerão. A minha é só um rascunho. ;)

When I was a child...

Everyone knows about the feeling of despair.
In any moment of our life we can head down in trouble. All we have to do is to sit and wait, sometimes we don’t need to do anything, for one thing happens unexpectedly in our lives.

No, I am not talking about “The Thing” of fantastic four, I am talking about one thing of anything bad that can happen with anyone at any time.(don’t look at me with this face, do I need to clarify to you? What? You don’t thought that? Well…in any case…let me continue please). I will explain better talking about one situation that occurred with me.

When I was a child… (Yeah I know how is to be a child, ok? Just listen…)
I was swimming in the pool … and If I was swimming in the beach or in the river or in any other place? without a worry in my little life, just thinking about what I want to do after that when without any notice one thing appeared out of nowhere and hit my head. It was one lead cover which hit me and I did the right thing in this situation, I cried because of this I swallowed a lot of water at the same time (If I am telling you the story is because I didn’t die…Why do I have to listen to you every time? Ok, it’s enough I don’t want to continue…Oh, now you want me to forget you...ok, ok, I don’t like you crying like a baby I will continue...Don’t get angry I am just kidding with you).
One crazy girl threw that lead cover on me because she had the devil on her body (no…it’s not real it’s just my thinking about her…yeah, I don’t like her).

Well, I left the pool and ran to my grandmother crying very much and she threw cold water on my head and I saw a lot of blood in that water. But she said to me “Don’t worry son is just a little injury” and I’ll never forget this day.


como-dizer-aviso-em-ingles-t9608.html
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/app ... of+nowhere
Avatar do usuário Diego Pikulski 2100 2 5 42
Boa noite Ana.
Obrigado pelo apoio na correção e pela paciência na leitura.
Fiz bastante errinhos XD
Mas creio que estou indo bem mesmo sem ter estudado gramática '-'
Agradeço novamente.
Eu errei na parte que eu citei "ter matado uma conversa paralela", pois só faltou colocar os parênteses, me perdoe por esse erro :oops:
Obrigado novamente.
Abraços.
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Diego

Eu que te agradeço, pois aprendi muito corrigindo sua redação. Você está de parabéns. Continue a escrever. No que eu puder te ajudar pode contar comigo (acho que eu sou só o Cruel aqui da seção, aquele gato do Gargamel, que não tem digamos assim, uma função importante na estória do desenho :) ) há outros experts mais qualificados tipo a Telma, Henry, o Professor Donay e o Paulo estes sim são feras na correção.

Não sei se você é da época dos smurfs então aqui tem um desenho:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0ijcl25edU
Avatar do usuário Diego Pikulski 2100 2 5 42
Obrigado pelo incentivo Ana.
Agradeço o apoio que tem me dado.
E não se preocupe e nem se menospreze, você também tem a capacidade de ajudar e apoiar.
Eles são mais qualificados que nós (isto é um fato :lol: ), mas também temos nosso jogo de cintura :D
Mas pelo o que eu acompanho das suas respostas, você tem um ótimo conhecimento também, por isso não se preocupe.
Agradeço novamente.
Abraços.
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
P.S.
Anyway, it´s highly flattering to me, having being cited along with Telma, Henry, o Professor Donay, etc. They really set a good standard to us, and when I grow up I want to be like them, no less. ;)
And guys, this way you are leaving me red in the face. :oops:
Avatar do usuário Diego Pikulski 2100 2 5 42
Obrigado Paulo pela sua participação.
Realmente ajudou a complementar o que a Ana disse.
Eu gosto de ver pontos de vistas diferentes pois ajudam a abrir novos horizontes. :D
Obrigado por dedicar um tempo para fazer a leitura do texto e por corrigi-lo.

You are a great member here and we know you have a great knowledge too.
I am glad with your help and I expect you enjoy your holiday.
All the best.
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
Yw (you are welcome), valeu!

Glad that you appreciate that, and yours is a nice method indeed. You know, there´s always more than a way to skin a cat. :lol:
By the way, I have learned a great deal with your questions/pieces of texts etc, and with the other partipants as well. English is quite a long journey, but it´s made easy with this site and the buddies that come over here, as traveling companions.
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Há quanto tempo você estuda inglês? Já passou por sua cabeça que você pode estar estudando de uma forma que dá pouco ou quase nenhum resultado? Que tal fazer um intensivo de inglês de 180 dias e recuperar o tempo perdido? Em 6 meses você pode elevar o seu inglês a um novo patamar.

Clique aqui para conhecer o curso!