Correção de: Cover Letter

Honourable Members,

I would like to express my interest for a position as Production Support at _______ for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro. Enclosed is my resume for further consideration.
I'm currently studying in my final year of Tourism course at Estácio de Sá University. I must say that this course prepares me to work not only in hotels or travel agency, but also in event planners. Since the first year of university I had the opportunity to raise knowledge to work with Production Support in big events, such as Rock in Rio 2011 and 2013 edition and as an internship from information Department with HBS during Fifa World Cup Brazil 2014. Due to those experiences, I had successfully developed abilities in teamwork, collect record and interpret business related information efficiently and also improve my English.
Apart from this, my personal skills include pro activity, adaptability, good humor, dynamism, responsibility, quick learning, commitment, hard work and good relationship in general. It will be a pleasure to work for The NBC Sports Group and NBC Olympics and assure you of my best service.

Kind regards,
Lidiane de Castro Xavier.
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Honourable Members,

I would like to express my interest in a position of a Production Support at ________ in the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. Attached to this email (you can change it if you are not sending as an email) I am sending my Curriculum Vitae for further consideration.

Currently, I am at my senior year of Tourism at Estácio de Sá University. This courses prepares me well not only to work at hotels and travel agencies, but also as a event planner. Since the beginning of my studies, I focused in learning how to be a Production Support to work on big events such as Rock in Rio (2011 and 2013) and also to be an intern at the Informational Department with HBS during the 2014 Fifa World Cup in Brazil.
Due to those experiences, I had successfully developed teamwork abilities, ability at collecting record and interpreting business related information. I can also say that my English has improved a lot.

My personal skills are pro activity, adaptability, easy going, dynamism, responsibility, quick learning, commitment, hard work and good relationship in general.

It will be a pleasure to work for The NBC Sports Group and NBC Olympics.

Best Regards,
Lidiane de Castro Xavier.

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Olá,
Primeiramente, eu dei uma mudada na segunda parte do seu texto porque achei um pouco confuso a maneira como você expressou suas idéias. Essa parte do : information department with HBS" está bem confusa. Eu não entendi direito o que é HBS.
Segundo, quando você está escrevendo uma carta ou qualquer texto formal em ingles, você não pode abreviar NENHUMA palavra, mesmo que seja I'm. Você precisa escrever I am, do not e assim vai.
Terceiro: esse seu "improve my English" ficou muito jogado no texto. Acho que você poderia dizer se é fluente e quais são as suas completências e experiências com o inglês.
Terceiro: Nas suas habilidades pessoais, acho que você pode encontrar adjetivos melhores para descreve-los. Eu não procurei todas, mas o bom humor, eu troquei por Easy Going, porque lá fora eles usam assim.
Quarto: Eu acho que essa sua segunda parte da última frase dispensável porque é claro que você dará seu melhor se você for trabalhar lá!
Quinto: Eu trocaria o Kind regards por Best Regards!

Qualquer dúvida, pode me perguntar e eu te ajudarei. Caso eu tenha entendido errado alguma das suas idéias, me avisa e trabalhamos juntos nisso!

Até,

Giovanna.
Olá Giovanna, muitíssimo obrigada pela ajuda.
É a primeira vez que escrevo uma "Cover Letter"
Na parte onde digo que trabalhei na HBS, eu só esqueci de escrever o nome da empresa, no texto original eu coloquei "HBS-Host Broadcast Service". O que faz surgir outra dúvida; Em uma carta de apresentação, podemos citar o nome da(s) empresa(S) que já atuamos?
Nesta parte do texto, quis colocar que eu fui estagiária do Departamento de Informação da HBS-Host Broadcast Service, durante a Copa.

Na segunda parte ainda, minha intenção era dizer que consegui aprimorar meus conhecimentos em "Production Support", trabalhando no Rock in Rio (2011 e 2013) e na HBS, como citei acima.
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HINTS:

Honourable Members,

I would like to express my interest for a position as A Production SUPPORTER at _______ for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro. (Enclosed is my resume for further consideration - ASSUMING THAT EMPLOYERS CAN SEE YOUR ENCLOSED RÉSUMÉ, IT COULD BE A NEEDLESS CLICHE).
I'm A FINAL YEAR UNDERGRADUATED TOURISM STUDENT at Estácio de Sá University. I must say that this course HAS BEEN PREPARING me FOR WORKING not only in hotels AND travel AGENCIES, but also AS AN event PLANNER. Since the first year of university I HAVE HAD the opportunity to IMPROVE MY SKILLS AND knowledge to work with Production Support in LARGE events, such as Rock in Rio 2011/2013 EDITIONS and as an internship from THE information Department OF HBS during Fifa World Cup Brazil 2014. Due to those experiences, I had successfully developed abilities in teamwork AND EFFICIENTLY TO collect record and interpret business related INFORMATIONS, AS WELL AS improve my English LANGUAGE DEXTERITY.
Apart from this, my personal skills include pro activity, adaptability, good SENSE OF humor, dynamism, responsibility, quick learning, commitment, hard work and good PERSONAL relationship in general. It WOULD be a pleasure to work for The NBC Sports Group and NBC Olympics and I assure you I WILL TRY MY BEST.
Lidiane,

Acho que juntando o que eu e Redseahorse escrevemos, você terá um texto melhor. Algumas opiniões minhas:

1- Eu morei no Canadá e estudei na Universidade de Toronto por 1 ano e meio e minha experiência mostra que eles não falam "final year undergrad..." when they are writing. You just say you are a senior or you are in the senior year.
2- Pesquisando melhor na internet, achei que muitas pessoas usam "He holds the position of Marketing Manager in the company". Porém, usar o "in the position as" também não é errado.
3- Se você for anexar um arquivo, fale Attach.
4- interniship significa estágio e você era estagiária, logo use intern.
5 - A parte do estágio na HBS, gostei do que Redseahorse escreveu. Só muda o internship.
6 - As outras coisas que disse no outro post continuam válidas heheh

Assim vai mais uma sugestão melhorada e com algumas idéias da Redseahorse adicionadas pra criarmos um texto melhor!

Até,

Giovanna

---------------------------------------------------

I would like to express my interest in a position of a Production Supporter at ________ in the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. Attached to this email (you can change it if you are not sending as an email) I am sending my Curriculum Vitae for further consideration.

Currently, I am at my senior year of Tourism at Estácio de Sá University. This courses prepares me well not only to work at hotels and travel agencies, but also as a event planner. Since the beginning of my course, I focused my learning in how to be a Production Supporter. I had the chance to work on big events such as Rock in Rio (2011 and 2013) and also as an intern at the Informational Department of HBS during the 2014 Fifa World Cup in Brazil, which makes me improve my knowledge and abilities in this area to be much more efficiently.
Due to those experiences, I have successfully developed abilities in teamwork AND EFFICIENTLY TO collect record and interpret business related INFORMATIONS, AS WELL AS improve my English LANGUAGE DEXTERITY.

My personal skills include pro activity, adaptability, dynamism, responsibility, quick learning, commitment, hard work and good relationship in general as well as being an easy going person.

It would be a pleasure to work for The NBC Sports Group and NBC Olympics.

Best Regards,
Lidiane de Castro Xavier.