Correção de E-mail

Olá, boa noite !

Escrevi esse e-mail porém vi que repeti muitas vezes o pronome "we". Gostaria de saber como posso evitá-lo e tbm se o texto está redigido corretamente. Thank you !

"Hello Marianna,
Our holidays were crazy, you lost ! I, Mike and Susan went to Las Vegas by plane (It takes about 10 hours and 38 minutes). We were staying at the hotel "Downtown Grand Las Vegas" which had a very affordable price of U $$ 62.38 per night. Unfortunately the hotel room was a bit dusty and I had some allergy, but nothing too. The weather was horrible, raining and very cold and we had just taken shirts and shorts kkkkkkk. We bought some warm clothes and we went to the craziest parties of our lives. The Worst of all, after drinking too much, we got lost and didn’t know come back to hotel hahaha Lucky that we had a card from there and we delivered it to the first taxi that we saw. After we having enjoyed almost all bars and casinos of city, we went to the airport for come back to home and there, the unexpected happened: I had lost my wallet with my documents and passport. Almost went crazy! We missed the flight (postpone it for the next day) and had to go police for record the incident. After that, we went to the consulate for generate another passport, which luckily was done on the same day, because I had a photocopy of the original, which sped up the process. Finally, in the next day we come back to home and when we arrived, a surprise: Inside of the Mike’s suitcase was my wallet with passport. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry kkkkkkk I Just know that the trip was unforgettable and we’ll keep it for the rest of our life."

Mais Votada Mais Votada

Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Olá Vitor! Estarei apontando algumas correções e outras sugestões de mudança, tendo em vista a naturalidade e fluidez do texto. Termos em parênteses são opcionais. Como você verá, alguns dos "we's" podem ser omitidos ou alterados. Os números referem-se às notas abaixo do texto.

"Hello Marianna,

Our holidays were crazy. You (really) missed out (1)! Mike, Susan and I (2) flew (3) to Las Vegas (the flight takes about 10 hours and 38 minutes). We stayed at the (4) "Downtown Grand Las Vegas" at the very affordable price of US$ 62.38 per night. Unfortunately the hotel room was a bit dusty and I had an allergic reaction, but nothing too bad (5). The weather was horrible. It was rainy and very cold and we had only taken shirts and shorts. We bought some warm clothes and we went to the craziest parties of our lives. The worst of all was that, after drinking too much, we got lost and didn’t know how to go back to the hotel (ou, opcionalmente, "couldn't find our way back to the hotel"). Luckily (for us) we had a card from there, which we handed (6) to the driver in the first taxi that we saw. After enjoying almost every bar and casino in town (7), we went to the airport for the return home.There, the unexpected happened: I found out that I had lost my wallet with my documents and passport. I almost went crazy! We missed the flight (postponing it for the next day) and went to the police to file a report / to report the incident. After that, we went to the consulate to have a new passport issued, which, luckily, was done on the same day, because I had a photocopy of the original, which sped up the process. Finally, on the next day we flew back home and, upon arriving, a surprise: inside (of) Mike’s suitcase were my wallet and passport. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry! All I know is that the trip was unforgettable and that we’ll remember it for the rest of our lives."

Espero que esta história seja real. Notas:

1) "Lose" é tradicionalmente restrito à perda de algo que é seu, físico ou abstrato. Ao deixar de aproveitar uma oportunidade ou evento, é comum dizer "to miss out (on something)".

2) Em enumerações de pessoas que incluem o pronome "I", o mesmo é normalmente deixado por último (A, B, C and I).

3) Tipicamente, a frase "to go somewhere by plane / car / taxi / boat / etc." é empregada para dar ênfase específica ao meio de transporte, em vez de meramente descrever a ida a dito local (que, neste contexto, é mais comumente descrita como "to fly somewhere").

4) Em inglês, é mais comum omitir palavras como "company", "hotel", "restaurant" etc., referindo-se aos mesmos por seus respectivos nomes apenas.

5) "Too" não é um adjetivo. Você precisa de um segundo qualificador após o mesmo (too hot, too bad, too cold, too small etc.)

6) "Entregar", no sentido simples de "dar" ou "trocar de mãos", é mais comumente traduzido como "to give", "to hand" etc. "To deliver" significa realizar uma entrega.

7) Diga "in town" ou "in the city". "In city" não funciona.

Até.
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Muito Obrigado Juliana ! ^^
Desculpe se te desapontará mas é uma "composition" do meu curso de inglês e a história foi inventada por mim. Abç !
Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Desculpe se te desapontará mas é uma "composition" do meu curso de inglês e a história foi inventada por mim.

Que pena! Mesmo assim, bom trabalho.

Apenas um remendo:

"...postponing it to the next day..."
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
As an aside, in English is not advisable the use of kkkk, I even have seen a rumour elsewhere that they didn´t felt happy with that.
You know, kkk brings bad memories of the violent, supremacist, racist, (now they say it is one the first terrorist) infamous group dubbed with such name in the States. So, you mixed Brazilian internetese with the study of English, not exactly a good combination if you want to express himself well and get good marks in your English compositions.