Correção de texto: "Making a Suggestion"

Avatar do usuário TheBigSpire 1070 1 6 25
Hi there!

Estou prestando o IELTS em 10 dias.
Para focar forte nessa reta final, decidi escrever 2 textos por dia pegando samples de exames anteriores: Um será a carta (Letter) e o outro a dissertação (Essay).
Dessa vez não tive tempo de escrever uma Essay, então segue apenas a Letter por hoje.
Se alguém tiver a possibilidade de corrigí-los ou apontar ideias/mudanças será de grande valia!
Qualquer comentario é de grande ajuda!
Grato!



4. Making a Suggestion
You exercise regularly and have been a member of many different gyms. Recently, you moved into a new neighborhood and joined a new gym. You have noticed that people at this gym do not bother to wipe down the machines after use and often leave dirty towels on the benches in the change rooms. Write to Mr Koto, the manager. In your letter:
• explain who you are
• describe the problem exactly
• make suggestions to improve the gym
Begin your letter as follows: Dear Mr Koto,
You should write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.



Dear Mr Koto,

We were still not introduced personally, my name is Angelo and I joined your gym two weeks ago for a couple of reasons: Firstly, the location is fantastic for me. Secondly, the price is quite reasonable for the quality offered. Finally, the instructors are really helpful and friendly and this is something that really makes the difference.

Nevertheless, even with all those advantages, there’s something that really puts me off whenever I am working out: People here seem not to give importance to the general cleanliness of the place. The machines are left all wet and covered by sweat, there are always plenty of dirty towels on the benches in the change rooms.

I was wondering if you would be able to talk with the gym instructors to orientate the customers about it. Another idea would be putting some posters on the wall telling people to be aware of that.

Thanks for your attention and consideration,

Regards,

Angelo

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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Angelo, eu penso que seu texto está ótimo, muito natural e bem escrito. As seguintes são mais sugestões do que correções propriamente ditas.

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Dear Mr Koto,

(I believe) we haven't been introduced yet. My name is Angelo and I joined your gym two weeks ago for a couple of reasons: firstly, the location is fantastic for me. Secondly, the price is quite reasonable for the quality offered. Finally, the instructors are really helpful and friendly and this is something that really makes the difference.

Nevertheless, even with all those advantages, there’s something that really puts me off whenever I am working out. People here seem not to give importance to the general cleanliness of the place. The machines are left all wet and covered by sweat and there are always plenty of dirty towels on the benches in the changing rooms.

I was wondering if you would be able to talk to the gym instructors and have them instruct / advise the customers about it. Another idea would be putting some signs on the walls (or, more succintly, "putting up signs") telling people to be aware of that.

Thanks for your attention and consideration.

Regards,
Angelo

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Nota: "orientate" (ou a forma alternativa "orient") é um falso cognato em sua acepção de "dar instrução a".

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