Correção de texto simples

Gostaria de ver se o texto abaixo está ok, texto simples para uma aula.

Education is a powerful weapon, through it we can improve and develop our knowledge and become a more critical and reflective citizen, in addition, we have more job opportunities and better quality of life.
Education motivates self-assurance and provides us with the things we need to partake in today's world. It makes us more independent and aware of what is going on in the world today, along with the awareness of opportunities and rights. It offers a greater understanding of one's capability and potential as well.
Our generation has an obligation to break down these barriers of languages, cultures and geography, that it exists today and with a good education we can do it.
Good education isnt just about studying hard and get the best results .A person becomes perfect with education as he is not only gaining something from it, but also contributing to the growth of a nation.
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Para aprender mais sobre os Tempos Verbais baixe agora o: Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um resumo bem estruturado para revisar os conceitos que você aprendeu na escola.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário Ricardo F. Bernardi 10530 17 205
GUSTOTECK,

Peço que numa próxima vez, apresente o seu texto com a versão original em português também.
Muitas vezes, queremos expressar algo em inglês e a correção torna-se possível quando temos um texto original como base.

Contamos com sua compreensão.

Por ora, segue:

Education is a powerful weapon. We can improve and develop our knowledge through it and become more critical and reflective citizens; in addition, we find more job opportunities and get better quality of life.
Education motivates self-assurance and provides us with the things we need to participate in today's world. It makes us more independent and aware of what is going on in today's world, when it comes to the awareness of opportunities and rights; it gives us a greater understanding of our capacity and our potential as well.
Our generation has to break down these barriers of languages, cultures and frontiers that it exists today and this is possible with a good education. Good education isnt just about studying hard and getting the best results.
We become perfect not only through gaining something from education, but also contributing to the growth of our nation.