Correção Essay para programa Ciências sem Fronteiras

Olá galera, gostaria que dessem uma olhadinha nessa essay por favor :P
Ela é para o programa ciências sem fronteiras, já estou na ultima etapa onde tem que escrever uns textos. Esse é sobre o que pretendo aprender nos EUA

Can you imagine our lives without the facilities that technology has brought? To know about the traffic by smartphone before you leave home, having information about the other side of the planet with just a few clicks in your notebook. How can we living without the facilities of electrical appliances in your home? Some activities like space travel are impossible without electricity. Electrical Engineering is responsible for developing and enhancing many of these technologies, was the wide range of applications and my fascination with technology that make me chose to be an electrical engineer .

I am an electrical engineering student from the Federal University of Campina Grande and I am in third year of course.
My main subject of interest is Power and Energy Systems. I am working during the last 15 months on research in this area is, more precisely, multiple phase electrical machines used to generate electrical energy from the wind and sun energy and how to distribute this energy. Today with the increasing of the use of nonlinear loads the power quality has become a concern as well as the secure transmission this energy to consumers. I would like to learn and research on this topic, especially the applications, so I could contribute to the solution of many problems in this area and come back to my current research with a much broader view of the subject.

Digital and Analogic Control are fields of study that would like to study. Learning how to design and manage automated processes, programming and adaptation of software for industrial processes; where a company already automated, resizing and increase process efficiency, all these important activities are studied in this subject. The importance of control is not just to improve the industrial sector; elements of control are present on cruise control of our cars, satellite calibration and control of aircraft. Therefore, this issue is among those who wish to study.

Some new technologies like radio frequency circuits and solid-state devices are also of my interests but in my university there is no labs for learning about these technologies, and would like to have contact with these recent technologies. It would be very useful for building a general knowledge of electrical engineering.

Another point to study in the U.S.A is to get an idea of how the business world works for an electrical engineer. How to design and administrate for a company, how to be part of a team and work with others to achieve a goal. In Brazil, the universities do not provide a perspective about what happens after graduation.

Finally, spend a year living in another culture would be a great life experience and help to grow not only my knowledge but as a person. The opportunity to enhance my knowledge of the English language will be useful, and a great point on my curriculum.

Agradeço a quem puder corrigir!

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Guilherme, I had the help of a specialist on the subject to correct and improve this text for you:

Can you imagine our lives without the facilities that technology has brought us? Knowing about the traffic by smartphone before you leave home, having information about the other side of the planet with just a few clicks on your notebook, can help a journey (but the radio is better). How can we live without the facilities of electrical appliances in our homes? Some activities, like space travel, are impossible without electricity and energy. Electrical Engineering is responsible for developing and enhancing many of these technologies. It has a broad range of applications and my fascination about technology, made me chose to be an Electrical/Electronic Engineer .

* I am an Electrical/Electronic Engineering student from the Federal University of Campina Grande and I am on the third year of the course. My main subject of interest is Power and Energy Systems. I have been working during the last 15 months on research in this area, more precisely, multiple phase electrical machines used to generate and harness electrical energy from the wind and sun while distributing it efficiently and effectively. Today, with the increased usage of non-linear loads, the power quality has become a concern as well as the secure transmission of this energy to consumers. I would like to learn and research on this topic, especially its applications, so I could contribute to the solution of many problems in this area and come back to my current research with a much broader view of the subject.

Digital and Analogic Control are fields of study I am interested in developing. Learning how to design and manage automated processes, programming, applying and adapting software for industrial processes for an organisation that is already automated (and those that are not), resizing and increasing process efficiency and effectiveness are all important activities studied in this subject area. The importance of control is not just to improve any sector, both private and public; elements of control are present in cruise control features of some cars, satellite calibration, and aircraft and ship control. Therefore, this issue is among those I wish to study.

** Some new technologies, like radio frequency circuits and solid-state devices, are also my interests, but in my University there are no labs for learning these technologies, and would like to learn them in more details. It would be very useful for building a general knowledge of Electrical Engineering.

*** Another reason to study in the US is to get an idea of how the business world works for an Electrical Engineer in that country. How to design and administrate an organisation, how to be part of a team, and work with others to achieve a common goal through collaboration. In Brazil, the Universities do not provide a perspective about what happens after graduation.

Finally, spending a year living in another culture, would be a great life experience and it would help me to grow, not only in knowledge but as a person. The opportunity to enhance my knowledge of the English language will be useful, and a great attribute to my CV.

Notes:

* It appears that you are doing a Electrical/Electronic combined degree course.

** Don´t forget Nanotechnology, Sensors, and Quantum Computing

*** There are many brilliant specialist departments in Brazilian Universities, for example, CCE and other specialist departments in USP, FIA for business in São Paulo.
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