Opiniões sobre essay para programa ciências sem fronteiras

Amigos, Estou aplicando a seguinte carta para o CSF, com o objetivo de ir aos EUA.
Gostaria de saber a opinião de vocês, baseado em experiencias culturais e conhecimento de normas da língua inglesa.
Alguma sugestão para eliminar as palavras repetidas?
Muitíssimo obrigado!


Study Objectives: In an essay of no less than 250 words and no more than 500 words, write a clear and detailed description of your study objectives. Be specific about your field of study and your specialized interests within this field.

I always knew where I wanted to go and had my objectives clearly and organized in mind. I made a point of getting involved in various projects, seeking a comprehensive knowledge and opportunity to apply them. Unfortunately I did not have all features and conditions to make possible to develop some ideas, however, never failed me creativity to solve them.

University is not just a place where we only to attend classes, conduct evaluations, and nothing more. I believe that this is an environment for research, development, study and where you can put into practice projects with potential for technological innovation, finally, feeding back society that invests in each student.

I'm apply for this exchange program, because I seek a workspace of knowledge development and implement training that already has begun, through opportunities that could never have in Brazil. Engineering is a scientific field intimately connected to life, is the basis of technological innovation and progress in many varied sectors. It's meaningless if you can't apply real innovation technologies to help real people. Find real applications on what I learn in the classroom, always served as my motivation. Because of that, I would like to continue and improve my projects, in the USA.

Efficient use of energy has played a special area of study for me, and the use of automatic, mechanical, electrical or computing solutions to such. Doing more with less is definitely my bet for the future. I am currently the leader of the drivetrain system on a formula SAE race team, at my university, and believe that this is an area of the automotive industry that stands out because of promising, related to reducing fuel consumption and sustainability. There is huge potential for savings through automated solutions or transmission, continuously variable transmission (CVT), resizing of gear,s or even others revolutionaries ones.

Another topic that I research, has application in several modes of transportation, such as aviation and automotive. I am a private airplane pilot, and got within the last years, a huge specific knowledge about the area. Through sensors, it is possible to increase the efficiency of these modes and especially bringing more security to the users, avoiding major accidents such have happened worldwide.

Computing has always been another major goal of my study. I'm especially interested in the development of embedded devices. I Participate in programming competitions in my country, giving me some comfort with the #C language and the Linux operating system. I created a project for my university, reducing the waiting time of vehicles, fuel consumption, and increased well being. In addition, I am a student of scientific initiative, at the artificial vision lab where I develop the hardware for biometric sensors.

The future is made today. I'm a knowledge seeker and I'm bring many experiences I have gained in my home country. As a future Automation and Control Engineer I would like to be well-prepared to the future.

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Avatar do usuário Telma Regina 22725 9 58 570
Some textual changes to help you:

I always knew where I wanted to go and had my objectives clearly organized in mind. I made a point of getting involved in various projects, seeking a comprehensive knowledge, and opportunity to apply them. Unfortunately, I did not have all the skills, expertise, and conditions to make possible to develop some ideas, however, this never failed me to solve them with creativity.

University is not only just a place to attend classes, conduct evaluations, and nothing more. I believe that it is an environment for research, development, study, and where we can put into practice projects with potential for technological innovation. This is one way to help give back to society that invests in each student.

*I am applying for this Exchange Program, because I seek a workplace of knowledge development and implement training through opportunities that I could never have in Brazil. Engineering is a scientific field intimately connected to life, the basis of technological innovation and progress in many varied sectors. It is meaningless if you cannot apply real innovative technologies to help people. Discovering real applications based on the knowledge gained in the classroom, always served as my motivation. As a result, I would like to continue and improve my projects in the USA.

The efficient use of energy, automatic, mechanical, electrical or computing solutions are special areas of study for me. Optimisation is definitely my best bet for the future. I am currently the leader of the Drivetrain System on a Formula SAE Race Team, at my University, and believe that this is an area of the automotive industry that stands out because of the promising potential benefits of reduced fuel consumption, sustainability, and the environment. There is huge potential for cost savings through automated solutions or transmission, continuously variable transmission (CVT), resizing of gears or even other revolutionary ones.

Another topic that I researched, has application in several modes of transportation, such as aviation and automotive. I am a private airplane pilot, and got within the last years, a huge specific knowledge in this area. Through sensors, it is possible to increase the efficiency of these modes, especially bringing more security to the users, avoiding major accidents that have happened worldwide.

Computing has always been another major goal of my study. *I am especially interested in the development of embedded devices. I participate in programming competitions in my country, giving me some experience with the #C language and the Linux operating system. I created a project for my university, reducing **the waiting time of vehicles, fuel consumption, and increased functioning and operation. In addition, I am a student of the scientific initiative at the artificial vision lab where I develop the hardware for biometric sensors.

In my opinion
, the future seems easier. *I am a knowledge seeker and I hope to bring many experiences that I have gained in my home country. As a future Automation and Control Engineer, I would like to be well prepared for the future.

*It is always best to be safe and not use contractions in texts like these. You never know who is going to read it.
**I don't know what you mean by "the waiting time of vehicles".
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Avatar do usuário Marcio_Farias 12350 1 22 206
(waiting time of vehicles) Que tal "idling time"?
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39175 6 32 684
I think he meant something like:
waiting times around the pump (for refueling)
waiting times for refueling.
waiting time at the gas/petrol stations

etc.

===============
It´s the first think I thought, but I don´t know what the guy is thinking, perhaps with sensors and eletronics, he might have improved the autonomy of the car? so the car tank holds the same quantity but it would go farther, burning less gasolilne.

Then saying something like "increasing the time between refueling" (of course, it´s better to say "increasing the fuel mileage" etc.)