Correção Essay para programa Ciências sem Fronteiras [3]

Galera, este é o terceiro e ultimo texto. O tema é Pespectivas do que fazer nos EUA

The United States has been at the forefront when the subject is technology; the advances in this area were started from university with collaboration among students, teachers and companies. Much of big companies started in the university. It is for this atmosphere of creations and innovations that exists in the university I want to give my contribution.

Electrical engineering covers a wide range of knowledge, from the tiny creations of nanotechnology to large industrial machines. Unfortunately in my university, some of these technologies are studied only in books, without contact, unlike the universities in the United States that many theoretical classes have a respective laboratory classes too. Having contact with these technologies would be very important for my learning, as well as, this contact could help to improve the knowledge already obtained. I also would like to learn more about my current field of research, Power and Energy Systems, so I could return to Brazil with much to add to the research lab of my university.
I admire the way the American education system encourages interdisciplinarity, it make possible the students to develop skills in many areas, and it is a great way to develop a complete professional. In the U.S.A. I would like to attend academic clubs as a way to put me in the academic community. Academic clubs are also a good way to learn about the business world, as a company, teamwork, this type of activity does not exist in my university, so, to attend such groups would be rewarding.

However, this opportunity is not just about academic knowledge, living in another culture with different habits and behaviors will be great personal experience. I hope to learn more about other cultures and show mine, sharing experiences with the local community. The United States is the place where we can find people from many countries around the world, even in just a classroom you can find diverse cultures. Improve knowledge of the English language will be of great and useful, nowadays the job market require to be master in this language, and it has become a requirement for who want to reach for the top .

I truly believe that this exchange experience will help me to become a better electrical engineer and more mature as a person. When I return to Brazil, I will can share with my colleagues and further helping in my laboratory work. During the time in U.S.A., I hope can show a bit of Brazil for the U.S.A, and thus promote friendship between the cultures.
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The United States has been at the forefront when it comes to technology; the advances in this area were started in (their) universities, with the collaboration of students, teachers and companies.
Most big companies started in the university. Is this atmosphere of creations and innovations that exists in the university what allures me, and I want to take part in it.

Electrical engineering covers a wide range of knowledge, from the tiny creations of nanotechnology to large industrial machines. Unfortunately in my institution/college, some of these technologies are studied only in books (in theory), without contact with it. Unlike theuniversities in the United States where/in wich many theoretical classes have their (respective) laboratory classes as well.

At college level, it´s very important to have practical knowledge and experience with these technologies. It also greatly improves the problem solving skills and reinforce the knowledge already obtained.

I also want/wish learn more about my current field of research, Power and Energy Systems, so I could return to Brazil with much to add to the research lab of my university.
I admire the way the American education system encourages interdisciplinarity, it makes possible to students to develop skills in many areas, and it is a great way to develop a complete professional.
In the U.S.A. I aim to attend academic clubs as a way integrating me in the academic community. Academic clubs are also a good way to learn about the business world, as a company, teamwork, this type of activity does not exist in my university, so, to attend such groups would be rewarding.

However, this opportunity is not just about academic knowledge, living in another culture with different habits and behaviors will be great personal experience. I hope to learn more about other cultures and show mine, sharing experiences with the local community. The United States is the place where we can find people from many countries around the world.
Even in a simple a classroom you can find diverse cultures, improve the knowledge of the English language wich will be of great use in the future. Nowadays the job market require to master this language, and it has become a requirement for anyone who wants to reach the top .


I truly believe that this exchange experience will help me to become a better electrical engineer and a more mature person. On my return to Brazil (or upon my return... more formal), I can share my knowledge/skills and experiences with my colleagues and further helping in my laboratory work. During the time in U.S.A., I hope can show a bit of Brazil to the U.S.A, and thus promote friendship between the cultures.


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I noticed that some words you tend to repeat, some of them are: university, contact, etc.


Beware of so many “would”s, I would like, I would like, to attend...would be rewarding...


will – can ...share, please don´t use two modals (will-can) on the same sentence. One have to choose one over the other.


Show to, not show for.


My version is expected to be tinkered, for improvement. It was just a kick-off, a starting point.