Correção de texto: Essay - BSMP

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Perspectives in the U.S.: In an essay of no less than 250 words and no more than 500 words, explain the unique perspectives you hope to gain in the U.S. and how you intend to use these skills, knowledge and experience upon your return to your home country

The student exchange program is in my opinion the most interesting and enriching academic activity, and it is for many students the only opportunity they will get to know other cultures and to acquire knowledge that would be impossible to obtain in their home countries. Studying in the United States, a country of a culture and language completely different of mine, where the best universities in the world are located, is a challenge that will enhance my life not only in a professional or academic aspect but also in a personal one.

Brazil in recent years has experienced a large growth regarding education in general but, there are certain aspects that we still have to improve such as research and technological development and in these fields the United States is a reference. I hope to gain knowledge in these areas so that, after the exchange program, I can help my university and my country to improve even more.

Mechanical engineering, which is my major, is one of the most comprehensive areas of engineering and mechanical engineers must have as much knowledge as possible if they want to be good professionals, therefore, some of my main goals during the exchange program will be to take courses and to participate in activities that are not available for me in Brazil.

Another factor that the exchange program can provide to me is the improvement of my English in the academic realm. Here in Brazil we have a deficiency in regard to technical English, all major scientific journals, papers and researches are written in English with terms that sometimes are strange to us, I hope that the knowledge I will acquire facilitate my access into scientific circles, this would be of fundamental importance to me, because after finishing university I expect to work in the academic area.

In addition to all that, the Brazilian Scientific Mobility Program also provides us with the opportunity to engage in internships. This would give me a chance to put into practice what I have learned in class, making this experience even more valuable.

During my four years in the São Paulo State University – UNESP I was awarded for my academic performance, I have participated in extracurricular activities where I help students of my university who have difficulties in the discipline of differential and integral calculus and I have always kept myself at a high level regarding my grades. I am sure that this is the best opportunity I will have to prepare myself for my professional life.

Leaving a little aside the academic part, in relation to the personal aspect, the exchange program is a tool of social interaction that takes us out of our comfort zone, leading us to experience unique situations. Lastly, I must mention that besides the obvious academic reasons that made me choose the United States other factors were fundamental to my decision such as the exciting campus life and the cultural exchange that just the United States can provide.

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Perspectives in the U.S.: In an essay of no less than 250 words and no more than 500 words, explain the unique perspectives you hope to gain in the U.S. and how you intend to use these skills, knowledge and experience upon your return to your home country


[1]The student exchange program is in my opinion the most interesting and enriching academic activity, and it is for many students, the only opportunity ( ) to know other cultures to be instructed in my field of interest, with a plus: in English.
It would be a lifetimes achievement, a valuable experience [2] and an opportunity to acquire invaluabe practical knowledge, and learning immersed within the culture and the language.
Studying in the United States, with its diverse culture, where the best universities in the world are located, is a challenge that will enhance my life not only in a professional or academic aspect but also in a personal one. 




[1]I think you got straight to the explaining, in a way that they may (or may not) think that you are lecturing the readers, that happens to be also evaluators.
It sets the tone to the rest of the text as well. So I conclude that you are used to the Brazilian academical writing, that is, to write academical dissertations, “dissertações” in Portuguese (I mean writings the likes of TTCs). Those are really impersonal (and have to be).
As I pointed in another review, this kind of composition may be interested in your point of view, in knowing about you and if you are an eligible candidate to the grant.
[i]If it´s an academical work, it´s fine
, but if it´s a personal narrative CsF-like maybe it would be advisable to rearrange it, and change some parts.
It´s worthy of notice that the prompt ask to explain “ the unique perspectives you hope to gain in the U.S. and how you intend to use these skills, knowledge and experience...”.
Thus, I will jump this part and go now right to the grammar points and/or details.[/i]



Brazil in recent years has experienced a large growth regarding education in general but, there are certain aspects that we still have to improve, such as research and technological development, and in these fields the United States is a reference.
I am ready to plunge into their educational system and absorb the latest advances and innovation in these areas.
Then, after the exchange program, I can help my university and my country a number of ways.
Mechanical engineering, which is my major, is one of the most comprehensive branches [4] of engineering. Mechanical engineers must improve and update themselves as much as possible, if they want to to develop their professional development.
Therefore, some of my main goals during the exchange program will be to take courses and [5] participate in activities [6] (currently*) not available in Brazil.
Another aspect [7] of it, would be ( ) in the academic realm, namely, the improvement of my English.
Back in Brazil we have a deficiency in regard to technical English, all major scientific journals, papers and researches are written in English with terms not always familiar to us.
I expect to gain from a higher vocabulary level, it will facilitate my access into scientific circles, this would be of fundamental importance to me, because after finishing university I expect to work in the academic domain[8]. 
In addition to all that, the Brazilian Scientific Mobility Program also provides us with the opportunity to engage in internships. This would give me a chance to put into practice what I have learned in class, making this experience even more valuable.
During my four years in the São Paulo State University – UNESP I was a award-winning student, for my
academic performance. I have always been a high-achieving student, with high grades but not of course, at the expense of learning. With that in my head, I am working towards success, excellence is certainly a surefire way to get success in one´s professional life.
I also have participated in extracurricular activities, helping students of my university that have difficulties with Differential and Integral calculus.
Leaving a little aside the academic credentials/background; and now on a personal note - the exchange program would take me out of my comfort zone, leading to experience unique and challenging situations. I would then learn a lot about myself, my limitations, teamwork . And many times, I would have to be less reliant of the warm help of close friends and the family.
On the other hand, I am going to develop creative skills and how to think and decide fast under pressure or extreme situations.
Lastly, I must mention that besides the obvious academic appeal, that made me choose the United States. Other factors come into play/were crucial/very important to my decision, such as the exciting campus life and the cultural exchange that only the United States can provide.


[2]I changed that fragment, don´t self-deprecate yourself and your country, they might have world-league universities, no doubt, but we have many good schools/colleges/teachers and students around.
One proof of that, is that your country have such a program, and that the host country badly wants you. It´s becoming a cliché of sorts, to say that “they have the best universities in the world, and it would be impossible to have so high standards of education back in Brazil, yada yada yada”.
Well if you really think so, and want to convey that, say it in other terms, one have to diversify when it comes to language and writing. Not to mention that the evaluators will read such statements time and again.

[3] “[i]culture and language completely different of mine
”, could be deemed as a trite remark, a bit overused these days. Hence the redo of it. As I said, it´s recommended to use fresher approaches, new words, so the reader seeing your composition won´t inwardly say “don´t tell !” and shrugh it off.

[4] Just for variety´s sake. I replaced “areas'” by “branches” of Engineering.
[5] “will be to take courses and to participate in activities”, I thin just one TO would do there.
[6] “that are not available for me in Brazil'', I have redone it to “ (currently) not available in Brazil.”
*currently, being optional there, you decide to use it or not.
[7] In that case “another factor” can´t “provide” anything. I have changed that part a little bit.
[8]”Domain” for a change, not to keep using “field” or “area”.



( ) chunks of text or some word(s) that was left out/taken out.[/i]


Hope it somehow helps. ;) Deem this just a tentative answer, I am no teacher, professor, or something. I am just a learner devoted to the learning of the English language.
Now this piece of text is a rough diamond, it can be polished (to perfection).
Anyway, it´s a diamond, you have already something in it if you invest some! good luck on your studies.
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Hi, thank you for helping me. I really appreciate it.
Avatar do usuário Marcio_Farias 12350 1 22 206
PPAULO, you must get some sleep.
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
Ha ha ha, you are right! I have been something of an imsomniac these days! Perhaps I am not fully adapted to the daylight saving time! :lol:
The good side is that I study some, and in the quiet of the night. Or perhaps I am such a night owl!