Correção de texto: TOEFL essay
- lpmendes
- Membro desde: 25 Jun 2019, 10:42
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Olá,
Farei o TOEFL e estou preocupado, pois necessito tirar uma nota extremamente alta (28 no writing).
Poderiam verificar e fazer as devidas correções?
Desde já, agradeço.
Topic: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go on vacation to buy a car Your friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
It is known that making important decisions might be quite overwhelming, especially when it comes to spending money, and asking for advice may be extremely helpful. If I were in my friend’s shoes, I would definitely buy a vehicle. It is my firm belief that purchasing a car is the best option for a number of reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin with, the majority of city layouts cause automobiles to be favoured over alternative forms of transportation, such as bicycles and public transport. In fact, some cities offer such a precarious public transportation system that its inhabitants have no choice but to drive. As a result, cars are not a luxury, but rather a necessity. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. You see, in my country, rarely do people have access to effective and efficient public transport system and, thus, they ought to use vehicles for almost everything, even the most mundane tasks. For instance, I have to take the car in order to go the gym since there is only one bus line that serves my entire neighbourhood and it takes twice as long. For this reason, if my friend purchases a car, he will not have to rely on inadequate public services.
Secondly, the car might be used to increase one’s income. With the booming of ridesharing applications, such as Uber, anyone can work as a driver and make extra money. My brother’s experience is a compelling example of this idea. Two years ago, he got engaged and his fiancé always dreamt of having an elegant wedding party. Nevertheless, they could not afford such an expensive event with their fresh graduate salaries. So, in order to save money for his marriage ceremony, my brother started to work as an Uber driver in his free time. Surprisingly, this part-time supplemental job proved to be reasonably profitable and, then, my sister-in-law had the wedding of her dreams. Had my brother not worked as a driver, he would not have had such an exquisite marriage party.
In light of the above-mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that my friend should use the money he has received to buy a car. This is because the vast majority of cities do not offer a reliable and adequate alternative form of transport and, hence, automobiles are virtually indispensable. Moreover, the vehicle may be used to supplement his income.
Farei o TOEFL e estou preocupado, pois necessito tirar uma nota extremamente alta (28 no writing).
Poderiam verificar e fazer as devidas correções?
Desde já, agradeço.
Topic: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go on vacation to buy a car Your friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
It is known that making important decisions might be quite overwhelming, especially when it comes to spending money, and asking for advice may be extremely helpful. If I were in my friend’s shoes, I would definitely buy a vehicle. It is my firm belief that purchasing a car is the best option for a number of reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin with, the majority of city layouts cause automobiles to be favoured over alternative forms of transportation, such as bicycles and public transport. In fact, some cities offer such a precarious public transportation system that its inhabitants have no choice but to drive. As a result, cars are not a luxury, but rather a necessity. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. You see, in my country, rarely do people have access to effective and efficient public transport system and, thus, they ought to use vehicles for almost everything, even the most mundane tasks. For instance, I have to take the car in order to go the gym since there is only one bus line that serves my entire neighbourhood and it takes twice as long. For this reason, if my friend purchases a car, he will not have to rely on inadequate public services.
Secondly, the car might be used to increase one’s income. With the booming of ridesharing applications, such as Uber, anyone can work as a driver and make extra money. My brother’s experience is a compelling example of this idea. Two years ago, he got engaged and his fiancé always dreamt of having an elegant wedding party. Nevertheless, they could not afford such an expensive event with their fresh graduate salaries. So, in order to save money for his marriage ceremony, my brother started to work as an Uber driver in his free time. Surprisingly, this part-time supplemental job proved to be reasonably profitable and, then, my sister-in-law had the wedding of her dreams. Had my brother not worked as a driver, he would not have had such an exquisite marriage party.
In light of the above-mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that my friend should use the money he has received to buy a car. This is because the vast majority of cities do not offer a reliable and adequate alternative form of transport and, hence, automobiles are virtually indispensable. Moreover, the vehicle may be used to supplement his income.
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