Correção de Redação para entrevista

Olá Pessoal,

Tenho uma entrevista de estágio nos próximos dias e gostaria que alguém avaliasse minha redação.


I will told a little of my life , my experiences in others Companies, my future perspective and why I choiced the engineering program.
I live with my parents and my sisters in SBC city. The interest for study engineering started when I was a child because I always identify me with the occupation, and there is a shortage of skilled labor.
First of all, I have a certificated in Mechatronic where I got my first intern. My probation period in Multinacional Company cooperated with my development. I had became a person responsible, have learned in teamwork. I have had opportunities for work with good professional who were always willing help me.
My future expectatives is keep yourself updated and command of english language.
I hope to be engaged because I think in grow in the Company and to achieve positive results.

Mais Votada Mais Votada

Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
I would like to tell you some information about me, my future perspective and why I have chosen the engineering program.
Verb form: I will speak, I will tell, I will wait. Simple future: will + verb in the present form (always). You can say I will tell. But to soften the sentence and to make it more polite I decided to use the conditional: I would like…..ok?
Word choice: choice is the noun; the verb is to choose;
In this paragraph you mentioned why you like engineering but you didn’t finish or complete your idea:
The interest for study engineering started when I was a child because I always identify me with the occupation, and there is a shortage of skilled labor.
Where is the relevant information?
Give more details why you are so keen on engineering. You just mentioned that you liked it but you didn’t give any information…. Why? And then you said that there is a lack of skilled people …. It may sound weird….
Suggestions:
I live with my parents and my sisters in SBC city. The interest to study engineering started when I was a child, I was absolutely attracted by Math and Science. I liked to see how things worked, for example a clock. I dismantled it and after doing this I tried to put it together to see if I was able to restore it. I was fascinated by it. I also had a passion for Mechanics. Besides that, I noticed a gap in the market for the lack of skilled professionals in this field.
Here you tell the reason why you like engineering (you can add your own ideas.)

I have a certificate in Mechatronic, I got it when I did my first internship which I really enjoyed it, I had a great time and learned a lot. My probation period in a multinational company helped me to develop my personal skills. I became a responsible person and I learned to work in teamwork. Since then I have had opportunities to work with good professionals who were always willing to help me.
My future expectations are to keep myself updated on engineering science and technology and I intend to study to have an excellent command of the English language.

I hope to be selected because I can contribute to the company’s growth and I am quite sure I will achieve positive results.


These are just suggestions ;)
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Você sabe como está o seu nível de inglês? Teste agora GRÁTIS em apenas alguns minutos.

Clique aqui para iniciar o Teste Online!