Correção de texto: If you could change one important thing

Bem pessoal,eu sou novo aqui e estou me preparando para o TOEFL.Quero tentar no meio do ano que vem. Comecei a fazer essays sobre possíveis temas já falados no TOEFL ontem. Então queria saber como ficou meu texto, já que é o meu primeiro, queria saber se ele contém a estrutura correta e tá coerente. Se puderem ajudar me dando dicas agradeço ^^.

If I can change a thing in my country, I would like to change the education. The most important sector to the development of a nation, the education is treated without your due importance.I will comment three reasons about it.

Firstly, the government does not invest well in the learning. Since decades ago, the government people has diverted wherewithal that was to education because they want using to own interest. So, the education does not receive the importance that it deserves.

Secondly, the teachers are not prepare to learn students. They need more qualification to be in a classroom. Maybe they are not trained because their salary is not good enough to specialize themselves.

Thirdly, the schools and universities do not have a good infrastructure to help your students. The students need classrooms and laboratories qualified to make technologies and develop news researching.

With this arguments, I conclude that the education in my country still move on slow steps. The government need investing in modernization of schools and universities and capacity of teachers to have a learning qualified for the students.
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Algumas sugestões de correção:

If I can change a thing in my country, I would like to change education. The most important sector to the development of a nation, education is treated without its due importance.I will comment three reasons about it.

Firstly, the government does not invest well in the learning. For decades, the government people has diverted wherewithal that was to education because they want using to own interest. So, education does not receive the importance that it deserves.

Secondly, teachers are not prepared to teach students. They need more qualification to be in a classroom. Maybe they are not trained because their salary is not good enough to specialize themselves.

Thirdly, schools and universities do not have a good infrastructure to help their students. Students need classrooms and laboratories qualified to make technologies and develop news researching.

With these arguments, I conclude that education in my country still moves on slow steps. The government need investing in modernization of schools and universities and capacity of teachers to have a learning qualified for the students.


Dica adicional: texto muito baseado em estruturas do português. Mas, com o tempo de estudo, com certeza vai melhorar. Parabéns pela iniciativa de escrever em inglês.

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