Correção de texto "If you could change something..."

Olá pessoal, o tema da redação é o seguinte "If you could change something really in your life, what would you do? why?"

Nowadays I work with Information Technology, but if i could something really in my life certainly one thing to do is change my career and if I can I become a successful soccer player, because it’s my big dream since when I was I child, and I always like to do sports, but soccer is my favorite sport to practice.
First off all In my family I always saw my father and my brother practice sports. My father ever did jog at Freguesia Park to give a healthy life, and my brother played soccer at the Bangu Athletic Club , and Olaria Athletic Club. Because my family costums I always like to practice sports to get I healthy life , and because since when I was I child I like.
Another thing about it, in my childhood I always play soccer with my friends where I grew up, but the principal reason wich I have my dream to become a soccer player is because I always saw my brother play soccer at the soccer teams in the championships. When my brother played at Bangu and Olaria I went all the games against others teams, and when saw my brother in the soccer field I wish to do the same thing.
Work in IT isn’t bad, you can work in a good company and get an excellent salary, my sister for example work with IT at the Brazilian Navy, and she like to much. Anyway I don’t hope continue work with IT , if I don’t get become a soccer player i’ll study Physical Education to work with sports.
To finish I hope change my life coming soon because I don’t like to work in Information Technology, I hope become a successful soccer player but if I don’t get this I want to be a renamed fitness coach.
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Não sou muito boa com o inglês mas fiz algumas correções que pude notar no seu texto. Segue:

Vinícius Rosa escreveu:Nowadays I work with Information Technology, but if I could change something in my life certainly I would change my career or if I could I’d become a successful soccer player, because it’s my big dream since when I was I child and I always like to do sports, soccer is my favorite sport to practice.

First off all in my family I always saw my father and my brother practice sports. My father ever did jog at Freguesia Park to give a healthy life and my brother played soccer at the Bangu Athletic Club, and Olaria Athletic Club. Because my family costumes, I always like to practice sports to get I healthy life.

Another thing about it, in my childhood I always play soccer with my friends where I grew up, but the principal reason which I have my dream to become a soccer player is because I always saw my brother plays soccer at the soccer teams in the championships. When my brother played at Bangu and Olaria I went all the games against others teams, and when saw my brother in the field I wish to do the same thing.

Works with Information Technology – IT – isn’t bad, you can work in a good company and get an excellent salary, my sister for example work with IT at the Brazilian Navy, and she like too much. Anyway, I don’t hope continue work with IT, if I don’t get become a soccer player I’ll study Physical Education to work with sports.

To finish, I hope to change my life soon because I don’t like to work in Information Technology, I hope become a successful soccer player but if I don’t get this I want to be a renamed fitness coach.



Ah! Também não acho que Freguesia Park, Bangu Athletic Club e Olaria Athletic Club devam ser 'traduzidos' para o inglês por que são os nomes do time, logo nome não se altera.
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Nowadays I work with Information Technology, but if I could really change something in my life, I would certainly change careers. I would become a successful soccer player, because it has been my dream ever since I was I child; I've always liked to do sports, but soccer has always been my favorite.

Firstly, in my family, I would always see my father and my brother practicing sports: my father was always jogging at Freguesia Park, in order to have a healthy life; my brother played soccer at both Bangu Athletic Club and Olaria Athletic Club. Because of my family habits, I have always enjoyed practicing sports. Secondly, during my childhood, I would always play soccer with my friends from the neighborhood where I grew up.

However, the main reason why I have dreamed of becoming a soccer player was watching my brother competing in championships. When he played at Bangu and Olaria, I went to all the games and, while watching him in the field, I would wish to do the same.

Working in IT isn’t bad, you can work in a good company and get an excellent salary; my sister, for example, works with IT at the Brazilian Navy and likes it so much. Nevertheless, I don’t expect to keep working with it: if I don’t become a soccer player, I’ll study Physical Education to work with sports.

In conclusion, I hope to change my life soon, because I have not enjoyed working with Information Technology. I’m willing to become a successful soccer player, but if it doesn’t happen, I want to be a renowned fitness coach.


Cheers!!