It was a hot summer day in LA. The temperature had been about one hundred degrees.(1) Suzie loved to sit on the terrace to watch the boys playing in the backyard. (2) Today, her friends were riding their bikes up and down the street. The two boys were Joey and Bob, they were trying see who could to ride their bikes faster. Bobby started a race with a big advantage, but Joey was coming up quickly from behind.(3) Bobby was getting tired and Joey was able to pass him. Suzie was enjoying watching them, when her mom came outside and asked what she was doing.(4) “I’m watching the boys riding their bikes, Mom”, she said.(5) Then Suzie asked her mother if she could to teach her how to ride. Her mother thought for a while. She was thinking that Suzie was very young to learn how to ride, but in the end, she thought that it was time for her to learn.(6)
(1) No need to say "day" because it could never been that hot at night. I deleted Fahrenheit because Celsius or Centigrade is rarely used in the USA. And 100 degrees Celsius simply makes no sense. You could have said "all day", "all day long", "throughout the day", etc. I chose "to watch" rather than "to look" because to watch implies that the object is moving. In movement, doing something. [If you look at a clock, you inspect it. If you watch a clock, you are observing the movements of its hands.] I liked your use of "LA" instead of the more formal "Los Angeles."
(2) Garden? Is it an area dedicated to flowers or fruits? If it is, OK. If not, I would suggest "backyard". Suzie is a girl? Would you write in Portuguese, "Maria, uma garota..."? I doubt it. Suzie is a very familiar, very feminine name. So is Maria. There is no need obvious to me to say she is a girl. I would delete it.
(3) A very common idiom.
(4) Go to Number 1 and re-read what I wrote about to watch and to look. If Suzie is watching them, she is observing their actions. If Suzie is looking at them, maybe she thinks they are cute or that she would like to have one as her boyfriend. The keyword is "maybe". Since there are two bikes, you must say "their bikes". It may sound strange, but... And note I changed "said she" to "she said".
(5) There is a minor and yet important difference between Mom and mom, Mother and mother. The word is capitalized when it is used to the speaker is making a comment about his or her mother/mom instead of saying her name. Otherwise the name is written mom/mother. Forgive me for not being clearer. Let me give some examples:
Is your mom here? No, Mom went to the store. (No, my mom went to the store.)
What is your mother's name? Terry is Mother's name. (Terry is my mother's name.)
Will you please give this message to your mom?
My mom/mother will receive it immediately upon her return, I promise. I promise that my mom/mother will receive it immediately upon her return. I promise that Mom/Mother will receive it immediately upon her return.
(6) Note the use of "how". To me, "time"sounds better than "the time". I belieou ve arguments could be made for both. And you may want to say "she was too young" instead of "very young".
You did a great job! Congratulations. You made a few mistakes. So what? Do you want to know a little secret? Only people who make mistakes learn, Keep up the good work,