Correção de texto: Underage Drinking


After a week of hard work and study, so many young and teenagers to seek places to go, somewhere like pubs, karaoke and nightclubs, trying kick back and forget a little bit about the problems and bad things of past week, but normally this common attitude have become dangerous and in some cases a big trouble, because young overpass your limits and begin to drink a large quantity of beer and other alcoholic drinks, there are cases in that some of them is not allow to drink these sort of beverage, as well as do not have correct age to do this.
First of all, unfortunately in Brazil the laws are not respect as this should be, consequently the country have increased in a scared way the number of people that have become addict to spirits, and this action have ruined many families, that lost terribly your family members due to this new behavior, besides that, the most of them often to say that started in this life with just one simple glass of beer per day and this desire remain constantly, nowadays were deployment of some laws in the juridical scope and more control about it, recently also was created the law called “lei seca” in order to reduce as much as possible the car crash with alcoholic young people, and the authorities of country started to verify pubs around universities and famous avenues that has a lot of bars and night places, thus attempting to keep this underage away of street vendor that usually sell it outlawed.
In conclusion to that, it so difficult say to younger not drink a plenty of alcoholic as they are used to, above all them find this way to enjoy their life and forget for a short time some problems that they have faced, but according to surveys, drinking beer or wine is not a prohibited and bad attitude of your life, younger must find out the balance between fun and alcoholic habits, the new generation need understand the effects and damages to health and personal life, the use of it might cause a serious impact to the rest of the life, furthermore is essential think about how it will change their group of friends, appearance, memory and concentration, therefore, the parents should follow younger closer, when suspect that a different situation have occurred, take action about it, gradually youth will see how appreciate consciously the spare time in different and healthier way, and when they were adults they will be thankful to this small advices.

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After a week of hard work and study, many young people and even teenagers (2) seek places to go, like pubs, karaoke bars and nightclubs, trying to relax and forget a little bit the problems and bad things that happened during the past week. However, this common attitude has become dangerous, because the young overpass their limits and start to drink a large quantity of alcohol. There are cases where some of them are not allowed to drink this sort of beverage, especially if they are underage.

(4) First of all, unfortunately in Brazil the laws are not respected as they should, consequently the number of people addicted to spirits has increased in a scary way. This phenomenon has ruined many families and caused the terrible lost of family members. Most of them often say that they started such life with just one simple glass of beer per day and the desire would only grow. (5) Recently, however, some laws have been deployed in the juridical scope, enhancing the control over alcohol consumption, such as the “Lei Seca (literally, Dry Law)”, which was created in order to reduce car accidents involving the use of the substance. Police authorities started to verify pubs around universities and famous avenues with a lot of bars and night places, in an attempt to keep people from driving under the influence of alcohol (6).

In conclusion, it is so difficult to tell the young not to drink as much alcohol as they are used to. Nevertheless, we must find a way to show them how to find the balance between having fun and becoming alcoholics. The new generation needs to understand the effects and damages of an addiction to their health and personal life, the impact it might have on their group of friends, their appearance, their memory and concentration. The parents should also be close to their children and take action when they suspect that a different situation has occurred (7) (8).

Correction key:
Italic: not necessarily wrong, but it probably did not sound good the way it was originally written.
Bold: problems with grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

(1) When I started scanning through your essay, my attention was immediately drawn to its lack of proper punctuation: notice that you wrote entire paragraphs composed solely of single (and vast) sentences. Next time, use also periods and semicolons so that your sentences won't be tiresome and confusing.

(2) Teenagers fit the young people category, but you seemed to want to highlight their presence there, so I made a small adjustment in the sentence.

(3) Kick back is a rather informal expression; once this essay seems to have official purposes, I replaced it with its meaning.

(4) First of all what? In the paragraph before you gave no clue of what you were going to discuss. This connective structure will only work if you manage to create an anticipation feeling in the reader.

(5) This whole sentence doesn't make any sense, so I rephrased it in a way that I thought would fit your intentions.

(6) The objective of the Dry Law was not to keep underage people from drinking; it was, however, meant to stop people from driving under the influence of alcohol. Therefore, I slightly changed your sentence.

(7) I had to reorganize and rewrite most of this paragraph; you didn't seem to know how to finish your essay. An advice I can give you is: when concluding, always reaffirm what you stated in the first paragraph and even cite one or two examples you provided in the body of your text. That way, you won't get lost and the writing will seem more polished.

(8) A last piece of advice: read! The only way to write properly is by reading content from different sources, such as magazines, newspapers, online blogs, books, etc.

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Thanks a lot for your corrections !!