Correção de Essay - Small towns or big cities?

Hello.

Here's another essay in the TOEFL model.

Obrigado desde já!

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big

city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and

details to support your answer.



Big cities have big advantages

It’s true that both small towns and big cities have their own advantages. I really prefer, however, to live in the big ones. It is known that there are a lot of big cities with different conditions around the world, but even with that differences, it’s possible to think about general characteristics and advantages.

Firstly, when you live in a big city, especially in the called “global cities”, there are a lot of people from other countries. Therefore, it’s possible learn about other cultures and change experiences. Even for those who haven’t interest in acquiring that type of knowledge, a big city has big advantages. There are a lot of events for every type of person. For instance, I love music and I like attending concerts, which is possible in a big city, but isn’t in most of small towns. This is a deal breaker for me.

In a big city, there are a lot of things going on and changing. A big city is dynamic. I really like all these movement and the speed in which things happen. I think I would never like living in a small town, where the pace is too slow. Big cities have more diversity in almost all aspects. For example, in these cities, it’s possible do find someone with the same interests that you, even if these interests are very uncommon.

I am attending undergraduate classes of computer science and I plan to work in a world company, wich usually are in big cities. Thus, for (to?) me, living in a big city is the best option even in the professional aspect.

It is known that big cities might be much more expensive than small towns to live in. However, due to all the benefits and facilities that a big city has, I think spending more money worth it.


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Errors that I noticed:

change experiences ---> exchange experiences
it's possible to .... ---> I don't know it this expression is right, it sounds a bit strange in English!
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Avatar do usuário Telma Regina 22725 9 58 570
My suggestions for corrections:

Big Cities Have Big Advantages

It’s true that both small towns and big cities have their own advantages. I really prefer, however, to live in the big cities. It is known that there are a lot of big cities with different conditions around the world, but even with those differences, it’s possible to think about general characteristics and advantages.

Firstly, when you live in a big city, especially in the so-called “global cities”, there are a lot of people from other countries. Therefore, it’s possible learn about other cultures and exchange experiences. Even for those who haven’t any interest in acquiring that type of knowledge, a big city has big advantages. There are a lot of events for every type of person. For instance, I love music and I like attending concerts, which is possible in a big city, but isn’t in most of small towns. This is a dealbreaker for me.

In a big city, there are a lot of things going on and changing. A big city is dynamic. I really like all this movement and the speed in which things happen. I think I would never like living in a small town, where the pace is too slow. Big cities have more diversity in almost all aspects. For example, in these cities, it’s possible do find someone with the same interests as you, even if these interests are very uncommon.

I am attending undergraduate classes of Computer Science and I plan to work for a world company, which usually are located in big cities. Thus, for (or to, it can be both) me, living in a big city is the best option even considering the professional aspect.

It is known that big cities might be much more expensive than small towns to live in. However, due to all the benefits and facilities that a big city has, I think spending more money is worth it.

Comment:
This is a very generalistic opinion, though, it is not always the case. Small towns can, sometimes, be expensive to live in, specially historical and touristic towns.
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
Agreed Telma.
----------------------------

Now André, I was here polishing off my plate, and while I was finishing my roasted chicken breast and thighs, along with rice, black beans and steamed potato. When I read your piece and something caught me eye. That is, you are continually using the word "problable".
Don´t know why, but it just hang in your head, sort of.

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So, I would try to change some bits there. Well, here follows my suggestion, I´ll leave to others doing the fine-tuning afterwards.


...but even with those differences, one can think about general characteristics and advantages.
...but even with those differences, one may think about general characteristics and advantages.



Firstly, when you live in a big city, especially in the so-called “global cities”, there are a lot of people from other countries. Therefore, it’s likely that you will learn about other cultures and exchange experiences. [or -Thererefore, there are fat chances of learning about other cultures and exchange experiences.]




For example, in these cities, you will find someone with the same interests as you, even if these interests are very uncommon.
(I left out the “problable” here, because to me it´s a surefire thing. It´s even expected to find people that shares the very same interests as you. A chance, say, 999 out 1,000.)
Hi, Telma. Thanks for the suggestions.

In the first paragraph, can you explain why did you change "these" to "those"? I thought that "these" tells about something close ("essas" in Portuguese), so it seemed OK to me.

Paulo, did you mean "possible", right? In fact, I wrote it several times... I'll try change this next time. I now it's possible! hehe

Paulo, I've read something about can x may, however, just in order to clarify the reason of your suggestion, can (may?) you tell me why 'may' fits better in that phrase? Is it because "may" is more formal?
OBS: I've found a good page about this subject:
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/educat ... versus-may

Thanks for the tips on to say "it's possible" with other words!
Avatar do usuário Telma Regina 22725 9 58 570
Hi André

I've done the correction according to your original text, and it states "that differences":
...but even with that differences, it’s possible to think about general characteristics and advantages.
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
Well, man. I see that you got the right girl, but (got) the wrong topic! :lol:

So, let´s get it right. The topic would be this one:
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/educat ... rsus-might

That is, ''may" when it is about something more likely to happen.
"The difference between may and might is subtle. They both indicate that something is possible, but something that may happen is more likely than something that might happen."

You can think of this as "talvez/é possível que" com um alto grau de possibilidade.
=================================================
Can também pode ser usado com o sentido de possibilidade, mas é diferente. Tipo, pode ser de um jeito, mas pode ser de outro [ou pode ser de um jeito ou não ser, simplesmente].

Chicken can be cooked, fried ou roasted.
( frango pode ser cozido, frito ou assado.)


===========================================
Not to be confused with the CAN versus MAY in the sense of "poder", though.

Can I leave now?
( posso ir agora?) here - permissão.

May I go to the bathroom now? may I come in? (says a student that gets late to the classroom...)
(posso ir no banheiro agora? posso entrar (professora - ou sendo educado antes de entrar numa casa de desconhecidos, e mais velhos que você.)


"May" here would denote a bit more respectful adress to somebody else.



=================================
There are other minutes on the subject, but I leave that to another opportunity, would be extraneous to the current topic.
Anyway, it´s all about modal verbs.
Hummmm, não sei se entendi muito bem, Paulo. Essa diferneça no may x might eu sabia, mas ainda fiquei um pouco confuso no can x esses dois.

"You can think of this as "talvez/é possível que" com um alto grau de possibilidade."

For example, here you used "can think".
Isn't this use of "can" the same as the use in "...but even with those differences, one can think about general characteristics and advantages. " ?
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
They convey the idea of possibility. I may have not expressed myself well, or perhaps even I myself have misunderstood the thing altogheter.

Anyway, I think sometimes (but I am on my own perception here, it´s no rule I have see on books or anything) that there are degrees of possibilities (again, my gut feeling, so perhaps just a feeling)


To illustrate the points, some examples from Cambridge Dictionary.

May
used to express possibility

There may be other problems that we don't know about. (É possivel que haja outros problemas que não saibamos – é bem provável, certamente há)

I may see you tomorrow before I leave. (Eu devo vê-lo/vê-la amanhã antes de eu sair – certamente, muito provável, quase certeza, certamente)

The cause of the accident may never be discovered. (A causa do acidente poderá nunca ser descoberta – certamente que não, pode ser que sim ou não...mas do jeito que fala aqui...)

The explosion may have been caused by a faulty electrical connection.

We'd better not interfere - she may not like it.
There may be some evidence to suggest she's guilty, but it's hardly conclusive.



can
used to express possibility
You can get stamps from the local newsagents. (É possível que – é uma opção que você tem, que você pode – isto é você pode comprar selos, não comprar selos ou simplesmente nem ir lá.)

You can get very nasty skin diseases from bathing in dirty water.
(É possível pegar graves doenças de pele tomando banho em água suja, aqui realmente significa bastante certeza)


Smoking can cause cancer.
(aqui nem tanto, deixa em aberto, pode causar ou não, não é tão definitivo...)

Noise can be quite a problem when you're living in a flat.
(sugere que pode ser, com muita certeza, mas - “may/might” be quite a problem- seria ainda mais forte.)

He can be really annoying at times (= He is sometimes very annoying) .
(Ele pode ás vezes, não indica alta possibilidade. E pode ser que não, vai depender do dia dele, do humor, se você pisa no calo dele etc)

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Anyway, let´s not set it on stone, not yet. With time you will get used to it and you will decide which you will use.

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Now, in this particular case:

...but even with those differences, one can think about general characteristics and advantages.
...but even with those differences, one may think about general characteristics and advantages.


Both could be used, perhaps "may" would slightly convey an idea of more probability, anyway you would be understood just the same. There´s no dramatic changing of the meaning, nothing to be so worried about. ;)
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
Now another flawed sentence. So here it is, corrected.

"There´s no dramatic changing of meaning"
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