Correção de texto "had studied" and commas

Hi,
Eu tô tentando brincar de fazer versão para melhorar meu inglês e descobri o quão fico sem saber se ponho vírgula e se o verbo que faço está certo. A outra coisa é que gostaria de saber se para a língua inglesa não há problemas em repetir as palavras (eu ouvi isso do meu antigo professor, mas queria a opinião de vocês).
Está muito ruim?

If Benjamin had studied the Torah, it would be more revolutionary than was, therefore better understand the Korah rebellion: a privileged who wanted to reform the power and, therefore, was swallowed by the Earth! A political reform loosely. Benjamin enjoyed reading the Germans, like Schmitt and the liberal Jewish Cohen, and he did not understand the divine justice that is not in German expressionism. He needed to have studied Rashi, the Zohar and the Talmud - treated sanhedrin ... but he preferred to read German novels.
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If Benjamin had studied the Torah, it would have been more revolutionary than it was. So, for a better understanding of the Korah rebellion: a privileged who wanted to reform the power and, therefore, was swallowed by the Earth! A loosely political reform. Benjamin enjoyed reading the Germans, like Schmitt and the liberal Jewish Cohen. He did not understand the divine justice which is not in German expressionism. He should have studied Rashi, the Zohar and the Talmud - treated Sanhedrin ... But he preferred to read German novels.

Regarding the repetition issue; It's pretty much the same as in Portuguese and you should be fine as long as you avoid redundancy. Try to make the central ideas of your texts clear using grammatical tools like commas for intonation and fluency.