Correção de texto: "Rates of smoking in Someland"

Avatar do usuário TheBigSpire 1070 1 6 25
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Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.

You should write at least 150 words.
Allow yourself 20 minutes for this task.

Imagem



The graph above shows the rates of smoking in Someland from 1960 to 2000. It does not specify the age of the groups, therefore showing us figures separated merely by genders.

The number of men smoking decreases throughout the graph. On the other hand, the number of women smoking increases from 1960 to 1975. It remains steady from 1975 to 1980. From 1980 on this number starts falling until the last year shown in the graph.

In my point of view, the number of people smoking starts to fall nonstop in both genders after 1980 due to the massive criticism against cigarettes on newspapers, radio or TV. Since scientists proved that cigarettes are really harmful to the human body, anti-tobacco groups and advertisements are commonly seen everywhere.

In the 2000 years, the number of men and women smoking are closer than never before, considering the graph. However, the number of women smokers is still not as small as it was in 1960.

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Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
The graph above shows the rates of smoking in Someland from 1960 to 2000. It does not specify the age of the groups, exhibiting numbers separated merely by genders.

The number of men smoking decreased through the forty years of research. On the other hand, the number of women smoking increased from 1960 to 1975. It remained steady from 1975 to 1980. From 1980 on, the numbers started decreasing, until the last year shown in the graph.

The number of people smoking started to reduce nonstop in both genders after 1980, perhaps due to the massive criticism against tobacco on newspapers, radio and TV. Since scientists proved that smoking is really harmful to the human body, anti-tobacco groups and advertisement are commonly seen everywhere.

In the 2000's, the number of men and women smoking was closer than never before. However, the number of female smokers was not as small as it had been in 1960.


Correction key:
Italic: not necessarily wrong, but it may not sound good. Consider revising!
Bold: problems with grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

Observations:

1. The amount of men smoking decreased throughout a particular period of time, not throughout the graph.

2. You wrote the graph analysis using the simple present tense. I would've used the past tense, because the last number available referred to thirteen years go.

3. In the information provided, it was not clear whether they were talking about just cigarettes or also cigars and smoking pipes. Therefore, you should not specify them, using general words, such as tobacco, smoking, etc.

4. The text did not ask extensively for your opinion. If you want to go further in your analysis, use the words may, might, perhaps, likely, that don't show certainty. In the academic world, being too assertive is not seen well.

Keep up the good work!

Cheers!
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