Correção do texto "Reasons to attend a university"

E ai galera, estou estudando pro Teste TOEFL, comecei agora e esses é um dos primeiros textos que faço pra praticar a "writing section". tenho um livro pra ajudar e com alguns temas. Gostaria que vocês me ajudassem a corrigir o texto ou dar dicas para melhorar. Vamos ao texto:

For many people attend college or university means leave their houses and start to live alone without parents to say rules or the time that they must be in home in the night. But in my opinion this feeling of freedom is only a consequence of the decision to go to a university to a career preparation.
In our life we used to have a lot of dreams when we are children, some peoples said "I want to be a soccer player" or "I will be a doctor" and so on. But we grown and started to change this dreams until a final decision that can be our child's dream or a new profession, totally different from the first one.
The next step is choose a university and in the most times it is in another city. In this moment the people start to think in the new experiences that they will live, and the new people that they will meet. And if these people never had made the decision of what they want to be, they will probably never go to a university. And those experiences e new friends won't probably make them go to a university only for it.
Therefore I believe that the people attend the university for a career preparation and the feeling of freedom, the new experiences, new friends even being good motivations are just consequences not the main reason.

É isso, o texto é um pouco grande, se vocês lerem apenas o último e o primeiro parágrafo (que eu tenho mais dúvidas) eu fico feliz. =D.

Obrigado ae.
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Aprenda dicas sobre os tempos verbais em inglês! Baixe agora o seu Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um ótimo resumo para revisar todos os conceitos.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário Donay Mendonça 49085 21 73 1138
Algumas sugestões de correção:

For many people, attending college or university means leaving their houses and starting to live alone without parents and their rules or the time that they must be home at night. But in my opinion this feeling of freedom is only a consequence of the decision to go to university for a career preparation.
In our lives we usually have a lot of dreams when we are children, some people usually say "I want to be a soccer player" or "I will be a doctor" and so on. But we grow up and start to change these dreams until a final decision that can be our childhood dream or a new profession, totally different from the first one.
The next step is to choose a university and it is almost aways in another city. In this moment people start to think about the new experiences that they will live, and the new people that they will meet. And if these people never had made the decision of what they want to be, they will probably never go to a university. And those experiences and new friends won't probably make them go to a university only for it.
Therefore I believe that people who attend college for a career preparation and the feeling of freedom, the new experiences, new friends even being good motivations are just consequences, not the main reason.