Correção de Carta de Motivação Erasmus

"Dear Sir or Madam,
I am pleased to write you to apply for the Erasmus+ Program for the academic year of 2016/2017 at your university. First of all things allow me to introduce myself, my name is …., I attend the second year of … degree at … University, in Portugal, and I would like to spend the !st Semester of the next academic year in … University.
The University of … is one of the leading universities in Poland and the fact that your univeristy have a department of Oriental Studies will help me to continue my program, since chinese is a fundamental subject of my degree.
The main reasons why I am applying to the Erasmus program are:
• Improve my English, as well as Polish language by direct contact;

• Meet new people, get to know the Polish culture and, hopefully, expand my horizons towards my professional life;
• The good references that my colleagues have been given me of the Erasmus Student Exchange Programme from your univeristy.
The program will ease my entry in the labor market, since it is so valorized by employers and provide me the opportunity to life new experiencies which will make me jump out of my confort zone and prepare me for life’s future obstacles.

I look forward to join you in your country and work with other students that have the same motivation as I have.
Yours sincerely,
…"

Eis a minha carta de motivação de erasmus, se me pudessem dar uma vista de olhos e ajudar no que poderei melhorar, agradecia :)

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Avatar do usuário Redseahorse 8000 1 13 143
Algumas sugestões:

Dear Mr./Ms./Dr.: ....,

I am pleased to write you (THIS LETTER) to apply for the Erasmus+ Program for the academic year of 2016/2017 at THIS university. First of all, (things - DROP IT) allow me to introduce myself, my name is …., I AM A SECOND-YEAR MAJORING IN...AT THE ...University, in Portugal, and I would like to spend the FIRST/SECOND Semester of the next academic year AT THE … University.
The University of … is one of the leading universities in Poland, and the fact IS that THIS UNIVERSITY HAS a department of Oriental Studies WHICH COULD help me to continue my program, since Chinese is a fundamental subject of my degree.
The main reasons why I am applying to the Erasmus program are:
• Improve my English, as well as Polish language by direct contact;
• Meet new people, (get - DROP IT) to know the Polish culture and, hopefully, expand my horizons towards my professional life;
• The good references that my colleagues have been GIVING me ON the Erasmus Student Exchange PROGRAM OF THIS UNIVERSITY.

CERTAINLY, the program WOULD ease my entry in the labor market, since it is so VALUED by employers and IT WOULD provide me the opportunity to LIVE new EXPERIENCES which COULD make me jump out of my COMFORT zone and prepare me for life’s future obstacles.

I look forward to join you in your country and work with other students WHO have the same motivation THAT I DO.

Yours sincerely!
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Avatar do usuário Daniel Reis 910 1 14
Olá,

Só uma pequena observação:

I look forward to JOINING you (...)

Valeus
Obrigado Daniel!