Correção de redação em inglês (4)

Continuing my run for knowledge

Essay 5
My community needs more opportunities to acheive a better condition of life. As a large factory, it will bring a lot of jobs opportunities in all the areas which the company works. Besides that, when a company comes to a place it will bring another companies which propably will support them. Also, the economy of the region will grow and it is a problem if the insfrastructure of the community does not follow this growing.
New jobs are a way of a community expand. This fact affect directly in the economy of the region that tends to develop because the population will have more money. Also, it atracts another consumiption companies, which come for supply the population, and makes even more jobs.
By earning more money the quality of the life will be better. So, the city administration has to build parks, roads, all the infrastructure that a developed city needs . Consequently it would be a problem if the community infrastructure does not follow what the population needs.
Besides that, people from another communities will come atracted by the opportunites. So, the community will need even more infrastructure. Also, more people will generate more polution plus the polution of the company and it may be a problem for the local eviroment.
However, all this problems may have a solution if the administration of the city and the company together create a plan to solve this it. It’s very important for the development of my community and for sure this large factory will brings it for us.
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Para aprender mais sobre os Tempos Verbais baixe agora o: Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um resumo bem estruturado para revisar os conceitos que você aprendeu na escola.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário Donay Mendonça 49075 21 73 1138
Sugestões de correção dentro do que o contexto permite avaliar:

My community needs more opportunities to be able to live a better life. As a large factory, it will bring a lot of jobs opportunities in all the areas which the company works. Besides that, when a company comes to a place it brings other companies which propably support them. Also, the economy of the region grows and it is a problem if the insfrastructure of the community does not follow this growing.
New jobs are a way for a community to expand. This fact directly affects the economy of the region that tends to develop because the population will have more money. Also, it attracts other consumption companies, which come to supply the population, and create even more jobs.
By earning more money the quality of life will be better. So, the city administration has to build parks, roads, all the infrastructure that a developed city needs . Consequently, it would be a problem if the community infrastructure does not follow what the population needs.
Besides that, people from other communities will come attracted by the opportunites. So, the community will need even more infrastructure. Also, more people will generate more pollution plus the pollution of the company and it may be a problem for the local environment.
However, all these problems may have a solution if the administration of the city and the company together create a plan to solve this. It’s very important to the development of my community and for sure this large factory will bring it for us.