Correção de texto: FCE report

Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Hi. I’ve written this report for FCE. I’d like if it is possible to have it corrected. Thank you very much indeed.
Task: The owner of the school where you study English has decided to make some changes to the school classrooms. He asked for ideas from students about what should be done to make classrooms better places to study in. Write a report making suggestions for how the classrooms could be improved. Write your report. (FCE- Gold coursebook page 221)


Introduction
The aim of this report is to present some useful ideas to bring about some changes to the school classrooms. I interviewed a considerable number of students to find out their views.
Background current situation
The essentials for a good school classroom the school already provides. Each classroom has school desks, blackboard, television and an electronic whiteboard which enhance the quality of the class.
Suggestions
Some of the students suggested that each one should have a computer connected directly to Internet on their desks, because with computers they could:
• Improve their listening skills
• Enrich their speaking abilities reading newspapers and magazines and discussing the main headlines
Other students said that they preferred to have tablets due to its smaller size.
Several students told me that they would like to have dictionaries at their disposal during class time, such as collocations, idioms and phrasal verbs dictionaries.
Another important suggestion made by many of them was to have air conditioning in the classrooms because the windows are too small and the lack of ventilation during the summer is nearly unbearable.
Personal Conclusion
All the ideas seem to be very interesting. I would therefore recommend the use of computers in the classrooms and the installation of an air conditioning system. It seems to be a marvellous improvement in the classrooms.
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Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
The aim of this report is to present some useful ideas to bring about changes to the classrooms. I interviewed a considerable number of students to find out their views. The essentials for a good classroom the school already provides: each classroom has desks, a blackboard, television and an electronic whiteboard which enhances the quality of the class.

However, some of the students suggested that each one of them should have a computer connected directly to the Internet on their desks. That way, they could: improve their listening skills; enrich their speaking abilities, by reading newspapers and magazines and discussing the main headlines. Other students said that they would prefer to have tablets due to their smaller size.

Several students told me that they would like to have dictionaries at their disposal during class time such as collocations, idioms and phrasal verbs dictionaries. Another important suggestion made by many of them was to have air conditioning in the classroom: the windows are too small and the lack of ventilation during the summer is nearly unbearable.

In conclusion, all the ideas seem to be very interesting. I would therefore recommend the use of computers in the classrooms and the installation of an air conditioning system. It seems to be a marvelous improvement to the classrooms.


Correction key:
bold: wrong, awkward or vague.
italics: not necessarily wrong, but consider revising.

Observations:
1. I think you were supposed to write this report in form of an essay. Therefore, you shouldn't divide your text into sections (Introduction, Background situation, etc.), but rather use transition words to connect the ideas logically.

2. The second part of this sentence makes no sense to me: several students told me that they would like to have dictionaries at their disposal during class time, such as collocations, idioms and phrasal verbs dictionaries.

3. Your domain of the English language is quite impressive. Congratulations!

Cheers!
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Hi Artul

Thank you very much for your correction.
I tried to rewrite that weird paragraph: “Several students told me that they would like to have English dictionaries in order to make the most of their class time.”
Do you think it is better now?
Another doubt I have is if I can write a report without using sub-headings. In the book, all the models of report were written using sub-headings.

Thank you
Ana
Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
I tried to rewrite that weird paragraph: “Several students told me that they would like to have English dictionaries in order to make the most of their class time.” Do you think it is better now?

The paragraph is indeed much better now. Congratulations!

Another doubt I have is if I can write a report without using sub-headings. In the book, all the models of report were written using sub-headings.


Most exams that I have seen (if not all of them) ask the students to write essays, letters or emails. Even the more specific tasks (such as reports, lectures, etc.) usually fit those categories. The general guideline I can give you is: if the instructions mention a particular format (dividing the text into sections, for instance), use it; if not, write it as an essay.

Cheers!