Correção de texto: " Forgetting something at a friend's"

Avatar do usuário TheBigSpire 1070 1 6 25
Hi there!

Estou prestando o IELTS em 11 dias.
Para focar forte nessa reta final, decidi escrever 2 textos por dia pegando samples de exames anteriores: Um será a carta (Letter) e o outro a dissertação (Essay).
Se alguém tiver a possibilidade de corrigí-los ou apontar ideias/mudanças será de grande valia!
Qualquer comentario é de grande ajuda!
Grato!



6. Forgetting something at a friend's
You stayed at your friend's house when you participated in a conference in Australia. You left a briefcase with important documents in your room. Write a letter to your friend. In the letter:
• thank your friend for the stay
• describe the briefcase
• ask him/her to return it to you by post
Begin your letter as follows: Dear




Dear John,

First and foremost: Thanks very much for hosting me during the conference week at your house. It was a memorable experience and I will definitely be back to Australia in the future!

I also write you to say that I forgot one suitcase in the bedroom I slept. It is a squared one, red and full of papers inside. The papers are actually all the notes I had been taking in the conference, therefore I hope you still did not get rid of my poor suitcase since they are immensely important!

In case you still have it, could you send me that back by post? Also, please write me your bank account details because I am going to deposit all the costs you might come across.

I am really sorry for disturbing, John! By the way: When are you going to pay me a visit?

I hope you are ok, my friend!

Regards

Angelo





Children should never be educated at home by their parents. Do you agree or disagree?


A person’s parents are the best teachers they are going to have throughout their lives. Therefore, I strongly believe that every single children in the world should be educated at home by their parents. However, not exclusively!

Children should be exposed to all the sorts of environments available during their growing-up process: Spending some time by themselves, with their brothers and sisters, with their friends, with their parents, with their relatives and in the school. The more mixed this phase is, the more beneficial for the development of the kids. A wider variety of environments means having to face more situations and getting to know more people, things that contribute to the mature process that every person has to come across.

A person only learns how to become a real citizen becoming part of the society by participating actively of it. Being isolated at home with only their parents as company would bring more harms than benefits to everybody.

Nevertheless, the importance of the parents’ presence in a person’s life becomes very clear specially if we have a look at several examples found in real life: Most of times in which we hear about a certain crime, the thief has no father or no mother (sometimes none of them). Regarding families with high acquisitive power, it is not rare finding parents complete absent from their sons lives and later on when they become teenagers they start using drugs and being absolutely irresponsible.

Thus, I do support the idea of a strong parents presence while the kids are being brought up. They are the main responsible for the future adults that their sons and daughters will become.

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Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
Dear John,

First and foremost: thank you very much for hosting me in your house during the conference week. It was a memorable experience and I will definitely be back to Australia in the future!

I also write you to say that I forgot one suitcase in the bedroom I slept. It is a square one, red and full of papers inside. The papers are actually all the notes I took during the conference. Therefore, I hope you still haven't gotten rid of my poor suitcase, since they are immensely important!

In case you still have it, could you send it back to me by mail? Please also write me your bank account information, because I am going to reimburse you the costs you might come across with.

I am really sorry for disturbing you, John! By the way, when are you going to pay me a visit?

I hope you are OK, my friend!

Regards,

Angelo


Correction key:
Italic: not necessarily wrong, but it may not sound good. Consider revising!
Bold: problems with grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

I have noticed you have a tendency to capitalize some words unnecessarily in the middle of the sentences. Try to avoid that!

Children should never be educated at home by their parents. Do you agree or disagree?


A person’s parents are the best teachers they are going to have throughout their lives. Therefore, I strongly believe that every single child in the world should be educated at home by their parents. However, not exclusively!

Children should be exposed to all sorts of environment available during their growing up process. They should spend some time by themselves, with their brothers and sisters, with their friends, with their parents, with their relatives and in school. The more diverse this phase, the more beneficial it will be for the development of the kids. A wider variety of environments means having to face more situations and getting to know more people, things that contribute to the maturation process that every person has to go through.

A person only learns how to become a real citizen by taking part actively in social interactions. Being isolated at home with only the parents as company would bring more harm than benefit to everybody.

Nevertheless, the importance of the parental presence in a person’s life becomes very clear specially if we have a look at several examples found in real life: most times we hear about a certain crime, the perpetrator/criminal has no father or no mother (sometimes neither). Regarding families with high acquisitive power, it is not rare to find parents completely absent from their children's lives and later on, when they become teenagers, they may start using drugs and being absolutely irresponsible.

In conclusion, I do support the idea of a strong parental presence while the kids are being brought up. They are the main responsible for the future adults that their sons and daughters will become.


Very good text! I should draw your attention to the fact that the subject strikes me more as a discussion about homeschooling itself than general parental involvement in the education of their children. Nonetheless, keep up the good work!
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Avatar do usuário TheBigSpire 1070 1 6 25
It may be a silly question, but I believe I'm in the right place for it: When you say I capitalize some words unnecesseraly, what do you mean exactly? That I use capital letters in some ocasions I shouldn't? If so, I got your point.

Thank you for the corrections and tips!

That one of "Thank you very much" impressed me a lot... It's very curious the way sometimes we spend years studying a language and sometimes we just don't realize some very basic stuff only cause it's too small and you never give the proper importance to that... Anyway! Cheers man! Or.. Thank you very much :lol:
Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
It may be a silly question, but I believe I'm in the right place for it: When you say I capitalize some words unnecessarily, what do you mean exactly?


In sentences like these, you've used capital letters unnecessarily:

I) First and foremost: Thanks very much for hosting me during(...)

II) By the way: When are you going (...)

III) (...) during their growing-up process: Spending some time by themselves(...)

IV) (...)if we have a look at several examples found in real life: Most of times (...)

The basic guidelines for using capital letters in English:

_ Capitalize the first word in a sentence.
_ Capitalize the pronoun I.
_ Capitalize proper nouns and most adjectives formed from proper nouns.

Retrieved from: [http://grammar.about.com/od/punctuationandmechanics/a/Guidelines-For-Using-Capital-Letters.htm]

And by the way, there is no such thing as a silly question. Anything that might help you improve your writing should be asked!

Cheers!