Correção de texto: Teaching foreign language in primary scho

Amigos, estou estudando Ingles e uma das partes que acho mais difícil é escrever. Por isso estout entanto praticar bastante. Como terei que fazer o IELTS, já vou praticando no formato da prova.

Quem poderia fazer correções e dar sugestões quanto ao Writting abaixo? O título do essay é algo do tipo "Teaching foreign language in primary school. Good or bad?"

Fiquem a vontade pois acho que ainda estou escrevendo muito mal mesmo! Agradeço desde já.


In a globalized world as we live, to learn a foreign language can have a high effect on people.

Considering that, both adults and children should learn one or more foreign languages.

The importance of learning a foreign language is so true, that in developed countries it is common to teach children a second or third language since primary school.

However, in third wolrd countries, just few schools, normaly those wich are very expensive, teach other languages to young children.

It goes without saying that as young a person is, as easy he or she is capable of learn. As well as that children learn much more easier than teenagers or adults.

From my point of view, another advantage in teaching a foreing language to young children who are in primary school, is that through the language, they will know other cultures, the way of other people live, with that they will gain not only another idiom but life knowledgement.

To sum up, I can see no disadvantages in this, but it is needed to be cared abouth these children to not sufocate them with so much activities.

They should learn new languages in a smoth way, not as an obligation, so that they will learn fast and easy and they will be interested more and more in learning and discover about other cultures.
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In a globalized world as we live, learning a foreign language can have a high effect on people.

Considering that, both adults and children should learn one or more foreign languages.

The importance of learning a foreign language is so true, that in developed countries it is common to teach children a second or third language since primary school.

However, in third wolrd countries, just few schools, normaly those wich are very expensive, teach other languages to young children.

It goes without saying that as young a person is, as easy he or she is capable of learning. As well as that children learn much more easier than teenagers or adults.

From my point of view, another advantage in teaching a foreing language to young children who are in primary school, is that through the language, they will know other cultures, the way of other people live, with that they will gain not only another idiom but knowlodge for life.

To sum up, I can see no disadvantages in this, but it needs to be cared about these children to not sufocate them with so much activities.

They should learn new languages in a smoth way, not as an obligation, so that they will learn fast and easy and they will be interested more and more in learning and discover about other cultures.

Fiz algumas modificações e caso esteja errado, me corrijam!
By the way, ótimo texto :)
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My corrections:

Learning a foreign language in a globalised world can have a valuable impact, considering that, both adults and children should learn one or more foreign languages.

The importance of learning a foreign language is so real, that in developed countries it is common to teach children one or more languages since primary school.

However, in third world (developing) countries just a few schools, normally those which are very expensive, teach foreign languages to young children.

It goes without saying that a young person finds it easier to learn languages than teenagers or adults.

From my point of view, another advantage of teaching a foreign language to young children in primary schools, is that through learning the language (* Geography, Art or History have the same effect), they will learn other cultures, the way other people live, and that will give them not only another language but a wider life experience.

Summarising, I can see no disadvantages in this, but these children need to be cared and not suffocated with so many activities (an opinion, but the real issue is balancing time with varied activities).

They should learn a new language in a subtle way, not as an obligation, so that they will learn fast and easy and they will be more and more interested in learning and discovering other cultures (See earlier note *).

(andreamussap, practice more before taking the IELTS examination.)
Thank you everybody!!