Correção do texto "My friend, I have some..."

My friend,
I have some news to tell. I, Mark and the boys were on the boat, when my brother saw a pretty girl and fell in love
for her. But, you know, Mark is very shy and I thought: I should do something about this, to help my brother, and so I did.
At night, when I went to the dance-floor and dance with the girl, who has fallen in love.
When Mark saw me dancing with Donna ( the girl), he went out quickly. But, after that, on the next day, Mark lost the shyness and called her to dance.
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Faça um teste de inglês e descubra seu nível em 15 minutos! Este teste foi desenvolvido por professores e linguistas certificados. O resultado sai na hora e com gabarito.

Clique aqui para iniciar o Teste Online!
Avatar do usuário Donay Mendonça 49120 21 73 1139
Cafranco,

Sugestões de melhoria para seu texto:

I have some news to tell you. I, Mark and the boys were on the boat when my brother saw a pretty girl and fell in love
with her. But, as you know, Mark is very shy and I thought : I should do something about that, I should help my brother, and I did so.
At night, I went to the dance-floor to dance with the girl he had fallen in love with. When Mark saw me dancing with Donna ( the girl), he left quickly. But, after that, on the next day, Mark got over his shyness and asked her to dance.


Boa sorte!
Avatar do usuário Flavia.lm 3885 1 9 86
Sobre o trecho "I, Mark and the boys were on the boat..."

Em inglês normalmente o "I" vem por último. Questão de respeito pelo(s) outro(s), I think.

Mark, the others and I ...
The others, Mark and I ...
Brigada Donay e Flávia...

As correções foram bastante apropriadas
:D