Correção do texto "The world of teens"

First topic that I would like to talk is related to the development of personalities and thoughts with the increasing of age.
When we were kids (and when I say kids I mean 2,3 years old) we thought that everything was a piece of cake and beautiful… Therefore, we were so innocent that we didn’t pay attention to the hard truths that surrounded us. They say the Santa Clause exists we believe, they also say that the Easter Bunny brings us almonds and we believe… Nevertheless as innocents we were we didn’t have worries in our minds so we were always happy no matter what…
As soon as we grow up our thoughts start changing. When we are almost teenagers (pre-teens) worries start coming in our minds. We become look to girls in a different way. Consequently we take care of what we dress in order to get some girls.
Then when we are really teens, the thought we had when we were pre-teens become more intense. Finally, we are going to be adults one day and in my point of view our minds will also change… I just don’t now in what way.
2º Topic: our lives have steps which I referred to previous, so we need to be ourselves in all of them, so that we can be happy. We mustn’t change since someone doesn’t like, we just should change if we think we need to!
As we are all different and I can identify 10 types of teens: Beauty Queens, Flirts, Dramatics, jokers, Teacher’s Pets, emos, Health Nuts, Perfectionists and Gossips. We are all different. However, if we like that we must keep it that way.

Anúncio Descubra seu nível de inglês em 15 minutos! - Converse grátis por 15 minutos com um professor e verifique como está o seu inglês.

Começar agora!
2 respostas
Donay Mendonça 22 102 1.5k
Algumas sugestões dentro do que o contexto permite entender:

First topic that I would like to talk is related to the development of personalities and thoughts with the increasing of age.
When we were kids (and when I say kids I mean 2 or 3 years old) we thought that everything was a piece of cake and beautiful… Therefore, we were so innocent that we didn’t pay attention to the harsh truths that surrounded us. They say Santa Clause exists and we believe it, they also say that the Easter Bunny brings us almonds and we believe it… Nevertheless as innocent people , we didn’t have worries in our minds so we were always happy no matter what…
As soon as we grow up our thoughts start changing. When we are almost teenagers (pre-teens) worries start coming to our minds. We start looking at girls in a different way. Consequently, we take care of what we wear in order to get a girlfriend.
Then when we are teenagers the thought we had when we were pre-teens becomes more intense. Finally, we are going to be adults one day and in my point of view our minds will also change… I just don’t now in what way.
2º Topic: our lives have steps which I referred to previously, so we need to be ourselves in all of them, so that we can be happy. We mustn’t change just because someone doesn’t like us, we just should change if we think we need to!
As we are all different and I can identify 10 types of teens: Beauty Queens, Flirts, Dramatics, jokers, Teacher’s Pets, emos, Health Nuts, Perfectionists and Gossips. We are all different. However, if we like that we must keep it that way.
Obrigado!
Ainda precisa de ajuda? Confira algumas opções:
  1. Clique no botão "Responder" (abaixo) e faça sua pergunta sobre este assunto;
  2. Faça uma nova pergunta;
  3. Converse grátis com um professor nativo por 15 minutos: Saiba como!